Chicks And Older Studs
[aka 'Older Studs Are Best']
by Sue Varian


INTRODUCTION 

"It may seem hard to believe, but it was at a prayer meeting that I met 
Henry. Since my old man is the preacher at a local church, I'm expected to 
go to these things. And I don't make a fuss about it, because I don't dare 
let my folks know the truth about me-that I don't believe in what the church 
says and that, even at twelve, I'm not a virgin anymore. 

"My father was conducting the services and putting on a big show for all the 
suckers he'd managed to draw in. What I was paying attention to, though, was 
the good-looking guy next to me. I couldn't guess how old he was, except 
that he wasn't as old as my father, and I liked the way his muscles bulged 
inside his clothes. He looked like a man who worked with his hands, not pale 
and sickly the way so many professional men are. 

"We were all squeezed into the pew like sardines, which meant that my thigh 
and his were pressed together closely. That was enough to start giving me 
hot pants and I wondered what it was doing to him. Once while our heads were 
bowed in prayer, I opened my eyes and snuck a glance at his lap. Either he 
had a mighty big one inside that fly or else it was hard! 

"I took a peek at his face to see if his eyes were closed the way they were 
supposed to be. But no, they were open, and he was sneaking a look at me 
just as I was at him. He was interested in me! 

"A few minutes later my father had us all get down on our knees. Some of the 
people crawled out into the aisles where there was more room. What I did was 
crawl under the seat. The next thing I knew my friend had joined me there, 
part-way, at least; there wasn't room for quite all of him. 

"Everybody was praying out loud all around us. You couldn't make out what 
anyone was saying really except that the word 'sin' kept coming through the 
babble of voices. 

"Then my father told us all to join hands with the person closest to us. I 
extended my hand toward my handsome friend and he took it willingly, even 
smiling at me. 

"Then he spoke. 'Have you sinned?' he asked me. 

" 'Yes,' I whispered back. 'And I loved it. I'm not sorry at all.' 

"I know that was an awfully daring thing to say, but I sensed that this guy 
and I could really get something going and I didn't want to miss the chance 
by being shy. But I hoped I hadn't shocked him too awfully much. 

"I realized I hadn't scared him away an instant later when he began to run 
his fingers over the palm of my hand. It was about all he dared do, here 
under the church pew, but there was something very sexy in it. 

" 'That feels good,' I said. 

" 'You're very grown-up for such a young girl,' he told me in a low voice. 

" 'Yes, I know,' I said. 

" 'Would you like to get out of here?' he suggested. 

" 'Yes, but we'll have to be very careful,' I warned him. I didn't want to 
go so far as to tell him that the preacher was my own father, and apparently 
he didn't know. 

" 'Okay,' he whispered. 'Let's crawl out on our hands and knees. You go to 
the side door and I'll go out the back. Everybody is crawling around anyway, 
so nobody will notice. We'll meet at the corner by the sign. Are you game?' 

" 'Game,' I said. 

"I raised my head long enough to make out my father kneeling at the altar 
with a group of people repenting their sins, then I made my way on my hands 
and knees toward the side door. I took one more look to make sure my 
father's head was down before I made my exit. 

"Once outside, I ran to the corner. My friend had had to crawl by more 
people, so he wasn't there ye$. I hid behind the black-and-white sign that 
announced the subject of next Sunday's sermon and waited. 

"I heard his footsteps in the grass. I waited until he was up close to the 
sign, then I jumped out and said, 'Boo!' 

" 'I was beginning to think you'd stood me up,' he said. 

" 'I wouldn't do a thing like that,' I told him. 

"He took me by the hand and led me to the parking lot. As we strolled along 
I could hear the low roar of the voices inside the church. 

"He led me to his car, an old beat-up Chewy. Opening the door, he motioned 
for me to get into the back seat. I did so and he followed me. It was a 
pretty big back seat and I was glad of that. 

"Once he was beside me he put his arms around me roughly and drew me close 
to him. His face brushed against mine and an instant later he was kissing me 
in a way I've never been kissed before. His mouth was open and he forced 
mine open, too. Then he stuck out his tongue and began sliding it against my 
tongue while his lips pressed hard against mine. There was something fierce 
and wild about it, but I liked it. 

"He kept on kissing me, but his hands were now roaming over my body. First 
he clutched at my breasts from outside my dress, then he unbuttoned a few 
buttons and dug inside my bra. I wished my breasts were larger than a mere 
A-cup, but he didn't seem to mind. He kept pinching them and grabbing at 
them in a desperate sort of way that drove me crazy with excitement. 

" 'Let's get some of these clothes off,' he said. 'I want to play with your 
pussy.' 

"I knew the word, of course, having seen it on rest-room walls, but I'd 
never heard anybody say it out loud before. Not even the man who took my 
virginity just a few weeks before used words like that. My second lover, 
this man I was with now, was far different and it occurred to me that I was 
going to like him better. 

"I got out of my dress by myself and was pretty careful about it, so that 
nobody'd suspect when I got home. Then I went ahead and stripped myself down 
to nothing. All this time, he was taking off his own clothes. 

" 'Feel my prick,' he said. 'It's hard. It wants you.' 

"I took his penis in my hands, automatically comparing it to the other one 
I'd felt. It wasn't quite as thick, but aside from that it felt pretty much 
the same. That sort of surprised me. I guess I'd expected men's sex organs 
to be as different as their faces. 

"Right away I touched my fingers to the sensitive ridge I'd learned about, 
rubbing it gently. I wanted to show him that I knew what to do. 

" "That's nice, little one, real nice,' he groaned. 

"Then his hands were groping for me, reaching for the wet hot place between 
my legs and I pushed myself toward him to help him find it. He parted the 
lips and ran his fingers all around. I was so wet that his fingering made a 
funny little sound. 

" 'It's such a cute little pussy,' he said. 'I wish I could see it, too.' 
Then he stuck one finger into the opening, and let it go deep inside. 'You 
really aren't a virgin, are you?' 

" 'No,' I said. 'I hope you don't prefer virgins.' 

"He chuckled. 'No. I just like sexy girls, all ages, all sizes. And you're 
pretty sexy. Do you know that?' 

"That made me feel good. I know I'm beginning to have the body of a woman, 
but I have very ordinary looks. I'd never make cheerleader or majorette or 
homecoming queen. Maybe what's sexy about me is that I like sex and it shows 
somehow. 

"By now he'd taken my clitoris between two of his fingers and was giving it 
a real workout. I'd never thought to do that when I'd played with myself. It 
really felt great, so great that I was afraid I might climax before he even 
got his penis inside me. 

"Then he was guiding my hand to what he'd called his 'prick' and making me 
rub it up and down, sliding the loose skin with my hand. 

" 'Would you like to kiss it?' he asked. 

"That sort of startled me. I really hadn't expected that some man I'd met in 
church would know about such sophisticated techniques of lovemaking. But I 
was ready to experiment. I bent down and brought my lips to the sensitive 
ridge, kissing it softly. 

" 'Now try taking it in your mouth,' he said. 

"I did so, but even though I opened my mouth as wide as I could, I couldn't 
begin to get all of it in. He took my head in his hands and began moving it 
in an up-and-down motion, so that the outside layer of skin moved along with 
my mouth. Each time I came up toward the top, I let my teeth graze the 
sensitive ridge. I figured he'd like that. He seemed to, for he let me go on 
like this for quite a little while. 

"Finally he said, 'Now it's my turn.' 

"A minute later I found out what he meant. Suddenly his face was between my 
legs and his tongue was slipping and sliding over all my sensitive parts. I 
opened my legs wide and moved to the edge of the. seat so he could get at me 
better. 

"I worried about little things like whether I smelled and tasted nice at 
first, but then I just relaxed and enjoyed it. Sometimes he nibbled at me 
and sometimes the rough texture of his face rubbed against me, too. But I 
liked every bit of it. I felt a little bit let down when he finally stopped. 

" 'Are you ready?' he said. 

" 'I'm ready,' I said faintly. My breath was nearly gone. 

"It took some scrambling around to get into position, but finally I had one 
foot up by the rear window and the other over the top of the front seat with 
plenty of space, for him between my legs. If I'd been any taller, it just 
wouldn't have been possible. Then he was over me. 

" 'Help me put it in,' he said. 

"I wasn't quite sure I'd be much help, but I reached one hand to his penis 
and the other to my opening. I tried to make the hole as wide as possible. I 
was plenty wet and I knew that would help. As he lowered his penis, I aimed 
it at the spot where I wanted it. Then he plunged it in. 

" 'I'm fucking you, little girl,' he whispered in my ear. 

"The first few strokes were slow and easy, gentle ones. But before long he 
speeded up, pounding away at me. 

" 'Move with me, honey. Can you do that?' 

"I didn't answer. I just started wiggling, trying to keep up with his 
rhythm. Soon I found that I was grinding my clitoris against him in a way 
that was driving me wild. 

"He kept going at that rapid pace and so did I. For a little while I forgot 
about everything but what I was feeling at the spot where our bodies came 
together, separated, then met again. My whole body was alive, but most of 
all that one spot was warm and wet and open. It was terrific. This is 
fucking, I thought to myself, the real thing, the dirty thing, the wonderful 
thing. 

"Finally I said what I was dying to say, 'Fuck me!' 

" 'I'm fucking you, baby. You're getting fucked by Henry J. M-and don't you 
forget it.' 

"I guess that's how I managed to remember his name. 

"I had no fears about making it this time. I knew it was going to happen. If 
anybody could do it for me, Henry J. M-could. And for the longest time I was 
on the verge of making it. Close, but not quite there. And that's the best 
part of the whole thing as far as I'm concerned; when you're floating out in 
space faraway from everything in the world, knowing full well that you're 
soon going to experience the most, incredible feeling there is. 

"When I got there it was unbelievable. My whole body started to twitch and 
jerk, all the while pulling him into me deeper and deeper. It was sort of 
like having a fit, but it was beautiful. 

And it took me a long time to quiet down. 

"He kept right on giving it to me, but now with a fantastically fast motion. 
I just lay there and let the rest happen. His breath became louder until 
finally he was groaning. His hands dug into my shoulders. I knew then that 
he was making it, too, and that he was enjoying it tremendously. At last he 
collapsed on top of me. He was pretty heavy, but I didn't bother to 
complain. 

"My mind found its way back to reality, to the fact that we were in the 
church parking lot and that soon the prayer meeting would be over and people 
would be coming out in droves. I could even hear the people singing some 
hymn and I knew that meant that the service was nearly over. 

" 'Hey, we'd better get up,' I said. 

" 'Any reason we can't hide here till they all go away and have some more 
fun?' Henry suggested. 

" 'I'm sorry, but I'm afraid I have to go home.' 

" 'Oh, yes. I'd forgotten that you're pretty young. To me you're a real 
woman. Hear that?' 

"I couldn't help turning that over in my mind as I cleaned myself up with 
Kleenex and got back into my clothes. I am a woman, really. Why doesn't 
anybody realize that except the men who want to make love to me? 

" 'You come to church here often?' he asked. 

" 'All the time,' I said. 'But I've never seen you here before.' 

" 'I'll tell you a secret. You'd be surprised at how many women I meet in 
church. But I hardly ever go to the same church twice. Maybe this time I'll 
reconsider. You're a damn good fuck, little one.' 

" 'Well, if you come back, I'll probably be here.' 

" 'Okay, sweetheart. See you in church.' " 

When Vladimir Nabokov published his famous novel, Lolita, about two decades 
ago, he brought new awareness to a phenomenon which is not only quite 
widespread in our own era but has numerous antecedents in other times and 
other cultures. Sexual union between young girls and mature men is by no 
means as rare and unique a practice as many of the readers of this 
best-selling novel suppose it to be. 

In ancient China, for example, there existed the practice of having children 
of both sexes under the table when company was present to masturbate the 
guests while they ate their meal. More directly analogous to the subject 
under discussion, however, is the old Chinese tradition of "marriage by 
purchase," in which girls of eleven, twelve, and thirteen years of age were 
sold to older gentlemen and acquired the status of "foster daughter-in-law," 
but actually were expected to fulfill certain sexual obligations. According 
to some reports, this practice still exists in some of the more remote 
agricultural areas of China, though it is more commonly the daughters of the 
very poor who are sold into sexual service. Thus the family obtains a 
financial reward and is freed from the expense of rearing a daughter. A 
girl's price is, quite naturally, determined by her degree of charm and 
appearance. 

Among primitive tribes of such diverse areas as Asia, Mexico, Africa, Fiji 
Islands, the Arctic regions and Australia, documented reports tell of public 
defloration of child brides by mature men before their marriage ceremonies. 
The Australian aborigines adhere to a religious ceremony in which the young 
girl is engaged in sexual intercourse with an older relative, adding the 
element of incest. The Central Eskimos, in addition, have a preference for 
youthful concubines, as young as ten or even nine. 

Historically, we find that many of the more advanced cultures also 
recognized the sexual attractiveness of the very young. Egypt, before the 
time of Herodotus, had its preteen and young teenage courtesans. Egyptian 
temples, such as those of Baal, were really child brothels, abounding with 
nymphets between the ages of ten and thirteen. As with the Chinese, the 
girls had been sold by their families. 

The Moslem culture provides another, simi- lar example, and in fact the 
Koran sets certain rules for the humane treatment of sexual slaves, such as 
"If you buy a slave-girl, do not forget it is forbidden you to cohabit with 
nonnu-bile girls before a delay of a minimum of one month, starting from the 
day of your acquisition." 

Nor were the ancient Hebrews immune from the sexual enjoyment of young girls 
acquired through purchase. Exodus 21:7-11 provides advice for the sexual use 
of young "maidservants," much in the same vein as does the Koran. 

Interestingly enough, though, not all cultures have taken into consideration 
the protection and humane treatment of their young females. In South India, 
for example, in order to ensure that girls would be ready for their first 
intercourse, the stem of a plant which expands when in contact with moisture 
was inserted into the vagina of very young girls. In time, the vaginal 
passage was sufficiently dilated to permit intercourse. 

More drastic procedures than this are on record, the most horrifying perhaps 
being one which Bulgarian slave hunters adopted from the Arabs, and which 
has also been a custom of the Mau Mau in the Kenya region of Africa. 
Briefly, what it entailed was a kind of surgical "castration," in which the 
girl's clitoris was cut away. The purpose was to render the girl sexually 
insatiable. Deprived of her means of achieving orgasm, she would supposedly 
be a willing partner for any male who desired her. Somehow it seems unlikely 
that this barbaric practice actually produced such results. 

The Arab world, though it initiated this bizarre custom, did not persist in 
its practice. During the time of the great and wealthy sultans, nymphets 
were recruited by the hundreds for an individual harem. Generally they knew 
no life other than that of the harem, but other than that, were not 
mistreated. Some of the more attractive and cunning are credited with having 
wielded great political power within their master's domain. 

During Europe's so-called "age of enlightenment," many a monarch emulated 
the practices of the Arabian sultans. Perhaps the most illustrious was Louis 
XV of France, who procured scores of "baby mistresses." With each, at the 
time of defloration, he supposedly first knelt in prayer. Rarely did he go 
back to the same girl more than two or three times. Eventually, after having 
become accustomed to the finery lavished upon them, they might find 
themselves cast out to the streets where their only recourse was to become 
prostitutes. 

Even in the supposedly conservative nineteenth-century England of Victoria 
and Albert, girls as young as twelve were sold to populate the Continental 
houses of prostitution. Here, though, an older girl, say of fourteen or so, 
could bring a higher price if she was experienced in a number of sexual 
diversions, including various forms of masochism and sadism. 

In America, sexuality in the young dated back to the Indians. The Creeks and 
the Chero-kees let their children play erotic games. One such game entailed 
children of both sexes sitting opposite one another and playing with their 
feet against the other's bared genital areas. More advanced games provided 
training in mutual masturbation, cunnilingus and fellatio. Actual 
intercourse was permitted as well, but offspring resulting from these unions 
between children were killed. 

"Lolitaism," as it has come to be called even by psychologists and 
psychiatrists, is more difficult to document and describe in our present 
society. It is not officially part of our culture; not a single edict or 
constitution condones it. Yet it exists. In a recent study examining the 
sexual experiences of a representative sampling of young people in the 
United States, reported in Michael Schofield's The Sexual Behavior of Young 
People, a total of thirty-eight percent of the teenage girls interviewed 
admitted to having had their first intercourse with a mature man. 

Certainly a behavior pattern which involves more than a third of all young 
girls deserves further study and investigation. Yet the technical reports 
relating to such behavior are sparse indeed. The aforementioned research was 
de- signed to provide an overall view of young people's sexual practices, 
but neglected to consider specific circumstances in which young girls become 
sexually involved with adult men. 

Russell Trainer's The Lolita Complex, though not strictly a technical work, 
constitutes perhaps the most thorough psychological and sociological expose 
of Lolitaism. 

Unfortunately, Trainer neglects to name his sources. Nevertheless, one quote 
from an anonymous psychiatrist is pertinent to the role which the nymphet 
plays in contemporary society: 

The Lolitas, as they are beginning to be called, are rebels. They boil with 
hostility. Most of it is directed at their parents, but they display it to 
anyone in authority. They resent society and they show their constant 
hostility toward it. And sex is the medium for girls. This is almost always 
true. A boy might steal a car because he hates, but girls thumb their noses 
at all of us by using sex. They cannot help but use it. 

It is my own belief that the view presented by this nameless psychiatrist is 
considerably more valid than the more traditional, psychoanalytic 
interpretation. Orthodox Freudians see the problem of Lolitaism as a 
manifestation of the Elec-tra complex or father fixation, in which the girl 
wishes to replace her mother and become sexually involved with her father. 
Although this provides an easy explanation for the prevalence of Lolitas, it 
does not explain why this phenomenon seems to be increasing in our society. 
Fascinating as Freud's interpretations of the old Greek stories may be, they 
fail to provide us with a working basis for dealing with the problems 
presented by contemporary society. 

Besides considering the Lolitas in our society as examples of youthful 
rebellion against the confusing standards and mores our society presents, it 
is important to investigate the different circumstances which "set the 
scene," so to speak, for a young girl to become involved sexually with an 
older man. 

As Trainer acknowledges early in his book, the broken home creates 
"substitute environments-environments conducive to Lolitaism." With roughly 
one marriage out of four ending in divorce today, many young people are 
forced to cope with a new environment, usually away from their natural 
father. Although there exists wide concern regarding young boys who must 
grow up without their fathers, less attention has been given to girls in 
this same situation. 

When a divorce occurs, there are a variety of arrangements which can ensue. 
One is that of the mother raising the children alone. Although many growing 
girls are able to survive such circumstances, others may be ripe for a re- 
lationship with an older man, sexual or nonsexual, depending on various 
factors. This is not an extension of the traditional Freudian theory, but 
simply a recognition that girls growing up without fathers may sense that 
something is lacking in their lives. 

If the fatherless girl identifies the older man with whom she allies herself 
as a father substitute, perhaps even going so far as to call him "Daddy," 
there is less likelihood of a sexual relationship to develop. When this is 
the case, both the girl and the older man usually perceive certain roles for 
themselves and act accordingly. However, there is equal likelihood that the 
girl, asserting her own independence, will wish to play the role of a grown 
woman with her older friend. The relationship may remain an intellectual 
one, especially if the girl is intellectually precocious, and if the man 
involved is well in control of the situation. However, the need for a young 
girl to prove her femininity is often very strong. She may respond to the 
man's attraction for her, even if he has tried to keep this hidden. Or she 
may use all the wiles and cunning at her disposal to seduce him. 

Another type of situation resulting from a broken home is that in which the 
mother remarries, introducing a strange man into the everyday life of the 
home. This is precisely the setting in which Nabokov placed his story, and 
it is a setting which provides the stimulus for many budding nymphets. 
Besides having day-to-day contact with each other, the young girl and the 
older man are officially expected to show affection for one another. Such 
affection may seem very innocent at first, but may easily develop into 
sexual attraction and, subsequently, sexual involvement. 

In cases such as this, the young girl is less likely to be emotionally 
involved as is the girl who seeks the attention of a stranger outside of the 
home. In fact, she may even resent the presence of her stepfather and use 
her sexuality as a way of acting out her hostility toward him and toward her 
mother. 

A still different situation occurs when the children of divorced parents are 
placed in a foster home. Beth Hollingsworth, who observed hundreds of cases 
of Lolitaism occurring within foster homes while working with the Detroit 
Welfare Department, states: 

The situation seems almost made to order ... the girl has already suffered 
some traumatic things by the time she has arrived at a foster home. Perhaps 
she has met with divorce, rejection, or neglect. Now, she meets a man, a 
stranger, one in close proximity to her. He is her "father"-a non-blood 
father -with whom she now lives. Perhaps she is inspired to win his favor 
and does so through the means of her sexuality. Perhaps the man is inclined 
toward girls. Perhaps he is not, but is merely a male who likes women, 
regardless of their age. Or perhaps the girl is easily seduced. I'm never 
surprised when I learn of a young girl having sexual relations with her 
foster father. 

Although the broken home and the experience of new environments which ensue 
can provide the springboard for Lolitaism, not all nymphets come from broken 
homes. Some are raised in seemingly secure, stable families. Yet these girls 
share with the others the early discovery of their own sexuality. They may, 
as do many young people, overtly seek to use their sexuality as a way of 
rebelling against the restrictions imposed upon them. But also, their sexual 
involvement with an older man can simply be coincidence: the result of all 
the appropriate circumstances occurring simultaneously. 

It is far from abnormal for young girls to be preoccupied with sex, and with 
themselves as feminine beings, though often they may be unaware of the 
responses they can create in an adult male. Current customs permit the 
wearing of skirts which leave most of the legs exposed as well as blouses 
which are see-through or low-cut, even for preteen girls. Also, current 
customs permit these young girls to emulate their older sisters and their 
mothers in their walk and their gestures, although this may not even be 
necessary to provoke the attentions of an adult male. 

Some, though certainly not all, men profess an attraction for young girls. 
Few, however, are able to resist the provocations that such young girls can 
evoke. Sometimes the male is capable of maintaining his role as stepfather, 
foster father, teacher or friend, but very often he falls prey to the 
advances, whether they be subtle or obvious, of a young and attractive 
female. The case studies that follow provide a cross section of modern-day 
Lolitas, each of whom became involved with an older man in a different set 
of circumstances. These case studies were especially chosen to demonstrate 
to the reader the different ways in which this phenomenon can occur and to 
elicit sympathy and understanding for individuals who are victims of these 
circumstances. 

 CHAPTER ONE 

Thirteen-Year-Old Judy and Her English Teacher Ted 

"My mom thought it was so groovy when I started seeing Mr. J-, my English 
teacher, after school. She's so dumb. Like she looked at the covers of the 
books he was giving me to read. And she wasn't even surprised when I started 
to call him Ted. She thinks it's nice that I have a grown man I can be close 
to after having been without a father all these years since the divorce. No, 
she'll never guess.... 

"I knew from the very beginning that Ted was interested in more than my 
brilliant young mind. Sure, he gets a kick out of showing me things in books 
and watching me turn on to fan-tastically complicated things. But that's not 
all. I've known all along that he liked to look at my legs in my miniskirts 
and that he watched the expressions on my face with more than an 
intellectual interest. As I said to myself after that first session after 
school when we didn't do anything but stay in the classroom and read 
poetry-this man has the hots for me. 

"Not that he did anything really weird. I just sensed it. Feminine 
intuition, you know. So I wasn't at all surprised when he suggested we meet 
at his apartment instead of at school. 

"We were careful, of course. He gave me directions and I walked there, while 
he drove. That way no one around the school would suspect anything. 

"The walk wasn't long but it gave me a chance to think about the 
possibilities ahead. There was the chance, of course, that he'd chicken out 
and not try anything. There was also the chance that he'd put it off until 
he figured I was good and ready for it. But what I was hoping for was that 
he'd take advantage of the opportunity. 

"I'm thirteen and I guess I've been ready to have a man make love to me for 
two years, maybe longer. Everything I've read about sex-and I've read quite 
a lot-made it sound so great. Plus I'd heard other girls my age talking 
about it. Some of them have made it with guys sixteen or seventeen. Quite a 
few of them have the birth control pills even. Their mothers are more hip 
than mine. But frankly, high-school guys don't really appeal to me. They're 
all so sloppy and funny looking with long greasy hair and clothes to make 
them look poor when they're not. 

"Ted is different. He's in his middle thirties and wears the grooviest 
clothes, you know, paisley shirts and scarves and turtlenecks. And he wears 
his hair a little longer than most teachers, but it's professionally styled 
and always clean. He looks the way I think a man should look. Of course 
that's not the only reason I'm in love with him.... 

"When I got to Ted's place that afternoon, he'd fixed a Coke for me and some 
other kind of drink for himself. I figured it was alcoholic. 

"'Do you usually have a drink when you come home?' I asked him. 

"'Oh, once in a while. This is sort of a special occasion.' He smiled at me 
warmly. 

"'You must be lonely, living here by yourself,' I said. I hoped I wouldn't 
bring back unhappy memories by saying that. I knew he'd been married once 
and that something had gone wrong. 

"'Yes, I am often lonely. Let's sit on the couch together.' 

"I sat down close to him. I noticed that there were books on the coffee 
table, but he didn't volunteer to show them to me. We just sat together, 
close enough that my thigh was touching his. It felt nice, just being there 
like that. I looked up at him and smiled. 

"'I'm very fond of you, Judy,' he said. Then he put his arm around me and 
drew me even closer. 'But I wouldn't do anything in the world to hurt you. 
You know that,' he went on. 

"'I know,' I muttered, then I got up a little courage. 'Why don't we just 
act as though we were adults? Forget that I'm only in ninth grade. I don't 
feel like a ninth-grader, especially when I'm with you.' 

"'You're making it very hard for me to act the way a schoolteacher should,' 
he said. 

"'Forget about that,' I told him. 'If you forget that I'm a student, I'll 
forget that you're a teacher.' 

"He didn't reply to that. Instead, he simply took me in his arms. He held me 
for a minute or so, then bent down and brought his lips over mine. It was 
glorious. I'd been kissed once before, by just a boy, but that was nothing 
like this. His mouth moved all around, rubbing against mine. Finally I 
realized that he was trying to open my lips. I was already beginning to feel 
dizzy. 

"When my mouth was open, he started to do funny little things with his 
tongue, extending it between my teeth and reaching for my own tongue. I 
really didn't know what to do. It was totally unlike anything that had ever 
happened to me before. I let him have my tongue at last. I couldn't believe 
kissing could be so sexy. I mean, it all reminded me of what people are 
supposed to do with their genital organs, and the sensations even seemed to 
be like what I'd expected the real thing would feel like. 

"I was panting when we finally separated, and I'm sure he was aware of what 
incredible things he was doing to me. 

"'There's something here that can't be denied,' he said in a low voice. 

"He took me in his arms again, and besides kissing me, he began to let his 
hands wander over me. First he only touched the safer places, my shoulders, 
my arms, my back, my waist. It was all so gentle, so tender. I was already 
trembling a little when his hands finally crossed my breasts. He didn't grab 
at them or anything like that. He just sort of grazed them as though to ask 
me if I really wanted more. 

"I let him know by returning his kiss furiously. I pressed my lips firmly 
against his and began to grind our two mouths together. I prodded my tongue 
deeply into his mouth too. He was caressing my breasts now with the softest, 
most sensual kind of touch I'd ever imagined. I couldn't help imagining how 
that touch would feel against my bare flesh. 

"'Are you sure?' he asked me when our kiss ended. 'Are you sure you want to 
go through with this? It's all right if you're just teasing me. We can 
always just forget about it and tx friends the way we were before.' 

"I took his face between my hands and looked into his eyes very seriously. I 
didn't say anything. I just brought my face slowly up to his and planted my 
lips on his once more. By now he knew I didn't want to turn back. 

"Now I could feel the gentle motion of his hand gliding against my bare 
thigh, traveling upward. I was thrilled with the anticipation of what was to 
come. He was getting closer and closer to that special place where I wanted 
most for him to touch me. Nobody has ever touched me there. This was 
something I'd been waiting for, imagining, hoping for. 

"At last his hand was under my skirt and tugging at my tight nylon panties. 
Our kiss-another of those long, passionate kisses-continued. He rubbed me on 
the outside of my panties until I thought I'd go wild. At last he grabbed 
the elastic at the top and slid them off, guiding them the whole way down my 
long legs. When his hand returned to me, my legs were spread, ready for him 
to do whatever he pleased. 

"He first ran his hand over the fine little hairs. 

"'So silky. So soft,' he muttered. 

"Then he parted the lips so he could reach the tender flesh inside. I was 
all wet, of course. That would let him know all right that I hadn't been 
faking it, that I was really capable of responding like a woman. 

"His hand was now touching my pussy. I could hardly believe that it was 
happening for real. It was like some beautiful, romantic dream. He was so 
gentle, so loving, if you know what I mean. I kept thinking to myself how 
great it was to have someone appreciating my body this way, but at the same 
time, I was losing hold of my rational mind somehow. All I knew was pure 
desire. I wanted more strange and exciting sensations and I also wanted my 
desire to be satisfied. 

"For a long time he just explored my pussy, letting his fingers go here and 
there as though he really didn't know what to expect. Probably he'd never 
seduced anybody so young before and probably a younger girl's pussy is kind 
of different, underdeveloped, I suppose. At last he stuck one of his fingers 
into the opening and extended it way inside me. That felt fantastic. I could 
hardly wait for his penis to be there, only I knew that would be entirely 
different.' I wondered if he'd have trouble getting it in. 

"'You're not a virgin, technically, at least,' he informed me in a whisper. 

"'Really?' I said. 'I wasn't sure. I've never done anything, though. I guess 
I'd better warn you. I'm very inexperienced. But I want to learn.' 

"'Do you really?' 

"'Yes,' I said. 'Yes, I will, yes....' 

"`How lovely you are,' he said, 'in every way.' 

"The next thing I knew he was helping me out of my dress, which was all I 
had on. I don't wear bras. Hardly anybody does these days, you know. But I 
do have breasts, not too big but nicely rounded and with oversize nipples. I 
didn't think he'd be disappointed at what he saw when I was finally nude. 

"He drew me to him and began to cover me with little kisses on my breasts 
and tummy and everywhere. 

"'I could eat you up,' he said. 

"I giggled. To be honest, at that point I didn't know the meaning of the 
word 'eat,' the sexual meaning, that is. But I soon found out. 

"He put me down on the couch and spread my legs apart. 

"'I want so badly to eat you,' he said. 

"The next thing he did was put his head between my legs. I'd heard of 
sixty-nine, of course, and I'd read about cunnilingus somewhere, too, but I 
was really surprised that he wanted to do this with me, here and now. 

"The touch of his tongue was even more fantastic than his fingers had been. 
There was a wetness and slipperiness that made me tremble all over from the 
sensations that it gave me. Little electric shocks shot through my whole 
body. Although I didn't realize it at the time, I was actually close to 
orgasm. I guess he sensed it, though, because before very long he stopped. 
"He got up and started to peel off his clothes. I lay there watching him, 
and to pass the time I let my hands wander all over my body, caressing 
myself. He didn't take his eyes off me. I guess it was a very sexy thing, my 
touching myself like that, but I wasn't doing it to be sexy. It just sort of 
came naturally. 

"The sight of his naked body when he finally got all his clothes off didn't 
startle or surprise me particularly. He wasn't the athletic type, to be 
sure, but then I despise athletes. He was really rather skinny and not at 
all tanned, just what one would expect of a sensitive, intellectual person. 
One thing did catch my attention, though, and that was the size of his 
penis. I have nothing to compare it with in my past experience, but it 
looked a lot bigger than I'd expected, far too big to get inside me. 

"I was a little scared now. I guess that's natural enough for the first 
time. I expected it to hurt and I was willing to put up with a little bit of 
pain if I'd get some pleasure out of it, too. I had no regrets or feelings 
of guilt at all; I really wanted to have sexual intercourse with this man I 
adored so. 

"Soon he was over me, poised and ready. I spread my legs wide and he 
caressed the sensitive flesh in-between. Then, ever so gradually, he lowered 
himself to me until his penis was touching my tiny opening. I expected him 
to shove it in, but he waited and rubbed it around down there for a little 
while. That felt good When he did put it in, he was very careful. He inched 
it in a little at a time, watching my face for expressions of pain or 
pleasure. 

"To tell the truth I felt neither. It hadn't hurt, the way I'd thought it 
would, but it didn't particularly thrill me either. It was just there And I 
was a little disappointed. Of course, I knew that's normal, too. 

"I began to enjoy it when he got into motion, sliding it in and out very 
gently, rubbing against the stretched skin of my opening. It was like a 
tender caress and I was infinitely happy. Yes, it was really happening to 
me, the real thing that everybody talks about so much. 

"I'd lost the peak of excitement I'd reached earlier and it took a while for 
me to get back there. Ted knew what to do, of course. He put his hand under 
my buttocks and began to move me up and down with him. I realized that I 
could do the same thing all by myself, sort of swing my hips in rhythm with 
him, and I started doing it. It made a fantastic difference. Now my whole 
pussy reached up to him, touched briefly, then pulled away. 

"'It's good,' I said at last. 

"'It's wonderful,' he returned. 

"I sensed a gradually spreading warmth that extended all over my pussy, 
centering around my clitoris, of course, but shooting out in all directions, 
even as far as my anus. Each time he plunged into me I felt hotter. And by 
now he was doing it a lot faster. I kept up with him too, swiveling my hips 
in rhythm with his thrusts. It was really beautiful. Nobody would ever 
believe that the first time could be so great. I had an expert lover, 
though, and that made all the difference in the world. 

"I'm a real woman at last, I thought to myself, and I wished there were 
somebody I could tell afterwards, but I knew we had to keep it a deep, dark 
secret. 

"Soon, though, I wasn't thinking about anything but the way my pussy felt. 
He pumped me harder and harder and I loved it. 

"'Oh,' I groaned. 

"His mouth sought mine and we had another of those fantastic kisses. It was 
perfectly wild, the way his tongue was moving into me at one end and his 
penis at the other. I felt really joined to him somehow, as though I 
couldn't tell where my body left off and his began. It's the most wonderful 
feeling in the world. 

"On and on we went, rocking the couch with the violence of our motions. It 
was everything I'd ever wanted it to be. Yes, it was perfect. I was climbing 
higher and higher, it seemed, ever closer to attaining the ultimate pinnacle 
of sensation. That's really what it was like, only of course I wasn't 
thinking in words like that at the time. Later and only later, going over 
the whole thing in my mind, I described it all to myself in a sort of poetic 
way. Right now I was completely lost in what was happening to my body. 

"I'd read a little about orgasms and what they're supposed to feel like. But 
even if I'd never heard the word I'd have known when this incredible thing 
happened. There's nothing else in the world quite like it. Whoever compared 
it to a sneeze must have had a pretty dull sex life. 

"For me it was like great ocean waves crashing against the shore again and 
again, beginning with great impact, then dwindling and diminishing ever so 
gradually. Or at least that's the way I thought about it later. When it 
happened I simply screamed a little scream and gasped. 

"'Oh, Ted, Ted, Ted,' I murmured. 'Ted, darling.' 

"My whole body was twitching and going every which way underneath him. And 
my pussy was absolutely bursting. I hadn't known that it could last so long 
and I'd had utterly no idea of what it would feel like. 

"He kept on going, penetrating me with swift, forceful strokes. It was only 
an instant or so, though, before I was aware that he was about to climax 
too. I could see his face, so contorted it seemed unreal. It was as though 
he felt pain instead of pleasure, but I'm sure he was really enjoying it. He 
only looked so strange because it was so intense. 

"At last he was stabbing at me and this was the only time during the whole 
thing that my poor little pussy actually hurt. But I didn't mind because he 
was enjoying himself so much and I loved him. Yes, I really loved him then. 

"One final thrust and I could feel the hot liquid inside me. Then he 
collapsed, almost crushing me. He didn't say anything and didn't open his 
eyes for the longest time. It entered my mind that he might have had a heart 
attack-doesn't that happen sometimes?-and that he'd died. He really seemed 
to be unconscious. 

"When he revived, he began covering me with little kisses and calling me 
'sweetheart' and 'darling.' 

"That was the beginning of our affair. 

"We met again two days later at his place and made love, of course. Although 
I'd found some poetry I wanted to discuss with him, there just wasn't time 
for that. My mother gets home from work at four-thirty and she'd really 
think I was up to something if I wasn't there. 

"We sort of fell into a pattern of meeting three times a week, always after 
school and never on weekends. He said he loved me but I didn't quite believe 
him. I wondered if he took out someone else, someone older and more 
sophisticated on Saturdays or Sundays. I was sure that I meant something 
special to him, but I sensed that he was a little uneasy about the whole 
thing. Nearly every time we met he'd ask me if I'd told anyone and make me 
promise never to mention it, ever. 

"Finally I got up the nerve to ask him if he ever took out anyone else. I 
knew this would make me seem sort of possessive, and I try to be very mature 
about everything, but I had to know. 

"He seemed horrified that I'd even thought of such a thing. He told me again 
that he loved me and only me and that he'd find it impossible to be 
unfaithful. I began to feel a little ashamed. 

"'But what about the weekends?' I ventured. 'We never see each other from 
Friday until Monday. It's awful for me.' 

"'It's awful for me, too,' he said. 'I miss you terribly.' 

"'Then let's do something together this weekend. We could go to the country 
for a picnic or something. Anything as long as we're together.' 

"'You forget that we have to be very cautious.' 

"'Oh, I know that. I could think up an excuse for my mother, you know, 
something about going out with the girls. And I could even take a bus to the 
edge of town and meet you there. How about that?' 

"'Oh, you're very clever,' he chuckled. 'Okay, you win.' 

"And so we arranged to go on a picnic together on Sunday afternoon. I still 
wasn't sure of his love or his fidelity, but I thought it would be fun to be 
together somewhere else for a change. 

"We met at the edge of town at a bus stop where there aren't any stores or 
houses. The only people who could see me getting into his car were the 
people in a car that was coming the other direction. And he worried about 
that, even scolding me for not waiting until there wasn't another living 
creature in sight. I think that's what they call being paranoid. 

"We drove far into the country, then took a dirt road into the woods. It was 
fall and the scenery was lovely. I wondered how he happened to know of the 
obscure little spot where we finally stopped, but I guess I'm a little 
paranoid, too. 

"He'd packed a big basket full of Cokes and potato chips and sandwiches. We 
carried it into the woods until we reached a small clearing. He took the 
blanket off the top of the basket and spread it on the ground. I looked 
inside the basket and made some remark about how groovy it was he'd thought 
to bring all those things. I started to set out some food on the blanket, 
but suddenly he clasped me in his arms. 

"'I'd rather eat you instead,' he whispered. 

"I was dying to make love. In fact, I never get enough of it. Without any 
help from him, I had my slacks, shirt, and panties off and lay down, 
spread-eagle fashion, on the blanket. 

"Instants later he was crouched between my legs. He was still fully dressed. 
Gently he-ran his hand over my mound then parted the lips and let his 
fingers wander over the slippery surface inside. I started wiggling. I was 
hot already. It never takes long to turn me on for some strange reason. I 
know women are supposed to take awhile in getting aroused, but I had to go 
without it so much of the time that I was always ready and willing when the 
opportunity came. 

"At last he was lapping at me with his tongue and I emitted screams of 
delight as he did so. He could do so many strange and wonderful things with 
that tongue of his. I especially liked the way he sometimes rolled it up and 
made it very pointed, then tickled me. But everything he did turned me on. 

"By now he knew every little bulge and crevice of my pussy so well. He knew 
how to tease me and how to make me scream to have him fuck' me. 

"This time I was so hot that I knew I couldn't stand a lot of his expert 
tongue work. I knew I could come that way, but I don't want to somehow. I 
never let him bring me to orgasm orally. 

"I knew that sooner or later he'd suggest it and this happened to be the 
time that he brought it up. 

"`How about finishing it off this way,' he said. 'I know you'd love it.' 

"'No,' I protested. 'Give me the real thing.' 

"He didn't argue, although I think he was a little disappointed. He quickly 
got out of his clothes and crawled on top of me. His penis slipped right in, 
the way it does these days now that I'm experienced. At first his strokes 
were very slow and he kept caressing me everywhere with his hands. I lay 
still for a moment or two, then began to grind my hips in rhythm with his 
motions. With every thrust of his penis inside me I grew hotter and hotter. 
My pussy tightened around that enormous shaft and I loved the way it filled 
me. 

"He gradually increased the force and the speed. By now I was trembling with 
excitement. 

"'Oh, darling,' I moaned, 'give me more, give me more.' 

"'I'll give you everything I've got, sweetheart,' he returned in a coarse 
whisper. 

"Together we churned and pounced. I was vaguely aware of the hard ground 
underneath my back, but nothing really mattered now except my hot pussy and 
the marvelous things he was doing to it. I suppose I'm lucky, the way I've 
learned to enjoy sex so much when so many women seem to have problems. My 
problem is, though, that I want it all the time. Yes, I could have sex for 
breakfast, lunch, and dinner.... 

"I have no trouble reaching a climax ever. Sometimes I try to keep from 
having one for as long as I can, prolonging the beautiful agony of it all. 
That's what I was doing now. I was ripe to finish at any instant, but I 
wanted to stay right where I was for as long as possible. I wanted to 
experience as much of those exquisite sensations as I could before it was 
over and done with. 

"I was incredibly wet, which meant he could pound me furiously without my 
feeling the slightest twinge of pain. It's amazing how I've adjusted to that 
enormous penis. 

"Finally I couldn't hold out any longer. No amount of distracting myself 
worked. My body just took over, putting my mind in second place. The little 
tremors grew into great spasms and my pussy was going utterly wild, 
alternately clutching at his penis, then letting it go, then straining to 
pull all of it into me. My hands dug into his back, and his shoulder against 
my face muffled the scream that I couldn't suppress. Oh, it was so good, so 
very, very good. 

"He never made it at exactly the same time I did, for some reason, yet my 
orgasms usually triggered off his. And I usually kept on twitching and 
trembling while he climaxed. 

"This time, though, it took a little longer. He kept on going at a furious 
speed, although I was too exhausted to keep up. I lay there, now feeling the 
uncomfortableness of the hard ground and wishing he'd hurry up. 

"At last I felt his penis seem to explode inside of me. I held his now 
relaxed body tenderly in my arms and stroked his back. Even though those 
last few minutes hadn't been quite as much fun for me, I experienced a 
tremendous feeling of satisfaction from having him climax inside me. 

"I love all the little things about it too, the way the warm liquid dribbles 
out of my pussy afterwards and the way our bodies become sweaty and sticky 
together. I even love the strange mixture of odors, all so pungent and 
strong. There are so many wonderful things about sex that the books-or at 
least the books I've read-just don't tell you. 

"Frankly, I thought I'd found the perfect lover and that's what made it all 
so great. My secret hope was that he'd wait until I finished high school and 
then marry me, but he didn't mention anything of the kind. So I went on 
worrying about whether he really loved me enough and whether I was really 
destined to be heartbroken in the end. If he left me, I didn't know what I'd 
do." 

Judy's experiences parallel, to some degree, the cases reported by Dr. 
Robert V. Heckel in his study, "The Effects of Fatherlessness in the 
Pre-Adolescent Female." Although Judy began her affair with an older man at 
an age slightly past that of preadolescence, she shares with the subjects of 
Dr. Heckel's study the one most important factor of all, namely, the lack of 
a father, which Dr. Heckel believes to be the one most important factor in 
the development of the Lolita syndrome. 

Nevertheless, Judy did not overtly seek to make a father substitute of her 
lover. Although she was not quite able to meet him on his own level, what 
she wanted most of all was to be treated as an equal. Intellectually, she 
was quite mature for her age. She was bright and well read. Emotionally, 
however, she was much less grown-up than she considered herself to be. Her 
concept of love was mainly centered around sex. It would seem that she had 
been culturally conditioned to think of love as a necessary adjunct to 
sexual relations and therefore convinced herself that she was in love. 
Actually, though, Judy's need for love, particularly for the kind of love an 
older man could provide, was quite great. And although her sexual needs are 
probably quite real, it is possible that the descriptions of her sexual 
responses are somewhat exaggerated. 

Judy's encounter with the social case worker, to whom she recounted her 
adventures, came as the result of growing conflict between Judy and her 
mother. Typical of the Lolitas cited by Dr. Heckel, Judy harbored a great 
deal of hostility toward her mother. As her affair progressed and Judy came 
to think of herself as a mature and independent woman, she began to set 
herself against her mother in quite an aggressive way. 

Small disagreements over what clothes Judy wanted or what books her mother 
hadn't read developed into bitter quarrels that stopped just short of 
violence. Judy's mother, though lacking in understanding Judy's interests, 
her preoccupations and her problems, was nevertheless concerned, and felt 
that the situation was beyond her control. Thus she sought the help of a 
local social agency, a federally-funded operation which charged only nominal 
fees for consultation. Psychotherapy might have been more appropriate in 
Judy's case, but was beyond her mother's limited financial means. 

The episode that follows points up Judy's true lack of maturity in the 
affair which she took so seriously at times. 

"We hadn't planned to see each other that afternoon, but all day long I'd 
been dying for some sex. I was aware of my pussy constantly as I sat in 
class. It was hot and wet, the way it gets sometimes just before my periods 
for no good reason at all. 

"I had to see him. That was all there was to it. So I decided to go to his 
place and surprise him. I walked there directly after school, but nobody 
answered when I rang the doorbell. I went down to his garage and saw that he 
wasn't home yet. So I waited behind some shrubbery for his car to pull in. 

"I recognized the sound of his engine about five minutes later, but stayed 
in my hiding place until he'd parked the car and got out. As he walked 
toward the apartment building, I jumped out of the shrubbery and scared him. 

"'Why, Judy, I didn't expect...." 

"I giggled. 'Aren't you glad to see me?' 

"'Of course, but it's quite a surprise, that's all.' 

"Something seemed to be bugging him as we Walked up the steps together. 
Frankly, I was annoyed that he hadn't been overjoyed to see me. This man is 
supposed to love me. Why doesn't he act like it? 

"Inside the apartment, he flopped down on the couch. 

"'It's been a hard day,' he said. 'I'm very tired.' 

"I didn't really know what he was trying to tell me. Sure I understand that 
people get tired, but I didn't know what tiredness could do to a man. 

"I proceeded to take all my clothes off, slowly and gracefully, as though I 
were doing a striptease act on stage. One thing at a time, with wiggles and 
sneak-peeks in-between. I thought I did a pretty good job, but he just sat 
there as though he didn't notice. 

"I wasn't mad, though, not yet. I went over to the couch and began to run my 
fingers through his hair and play with his ears. He smiled con-tentedly. 
Then I got up on my knees and thrust one of my nice big red nipples into his 
mouth. That he couldn't resist, but he wasn't overly enthusiastic somehow. 

"I'd read that there are times when the woman should take the aggressive 
role and I guess that's what I was doing now. I racked my brain to think of 
ways to turn him on. 

"The most obvious thing to do was undress him. First I removed his bright 
red scarf that was fastened with a kind of ring, then I unbuttoned his shirt 
and slipped it off as he leaned forward. I had trouble with his belt buckle, 
so he gave me a hand with that. Next I unzipped his fly and reached my hand 
inside. 

"Much to my surprise, his penis was little and limp. I'd seen it that way 
once in a while, but never at a time like this. I was stunned and hurt, 
though I tried not to let it show. 

"All too passively he rose from the couch briefly to let me slip down his 
pants and his shorts. When I got them to his ankles. I realized that his 
shoes had to come off first, so I unbuckled them, pulled them off, then with 
one yank, removed his pants, shorts and socks. Some change fell out of one 
of his-pockets, but I let it lie on the floor. I was careful, though, to 
drape his pants over the arm of the couch so they wouldn't get badly 
wrinkled. 

"All this and he was still soft. It was difficult to believe. I crawled into 
his lap and began to give him little kisses on the chin, neck and shoulders. 
Still no erection! 

"Finally I took his penis between my hands and began to massage it in the 
most sensual way I knew how, stroking the little ridge under the head where 
I know he likes to be touched. It did grow a little larger, but it was 
nothing like the hard on I was used to. 

"Finally he spoke. 'I'm sorry, baby. It's no use. I'm just too tired.' 

"'Being tired is a state of mind,' I told him. I'd heard that somewhere. 

"He smiled. 'Honey, I guess there are things you don't know about men.' 

"That made me mad. After all this time, he was accusing me of being sexually 
naive. 'What do you mean?' I spouted out angrily. "I know all there is to 
know about men.' 

"'There's one thing you don't seem to know, sweetheart, and that's the fact 
that sometimes a man is too tired to perform. It's not that he doesn't want 
to, it's just that he can't' 

"I'd heard about impotence, but I thought it was a kind of disease. Since 
then I've heard about temporary impotence, but at the time I didn't know 
such a thing existed. I felt hurt and discouraged. It seemed to me that he 
didn't love me or wasn't attracted to me anymore. And I was so hot I could 
hardly bear it, especially now that I was naked. My poor pussy was all 
tingly, all ready for it, and every nerve in my body was on edge. 

"'I've got to have it,' I cried anxiously. 'I need it. Don't you 
understand?' 

"'Baby, I'm sorry. Really I am,' he stammered. 

"I just sat there in his lap and glared at him for a few minutes. Finally I 
said, 'If you don't, do you know what I'll do? I'll tell. I'll tell 
everybody about us. My mother. The school principal. Everybody!' 

"'You wouldn't,' he gasped. 'You couldn't do that, could you? Do you realize 
what that would mean? I'd probably go to jail....' 

"'I'm giving you a choice,' I said firmly. 

"'But don't you see? I have no choice.' He covered his face with his hands. 

"I'd really struck him where it hurt, in both challenging-his masculinity 
and in threatening to tell. But it didn't occur to me then what an awful 
thing I was doing. 

"'Do you love me or don't you?' I asked him curtly. 

"'Judy, you have no idea how much I love you. Do you realize how much I've 
risked already to be with you. I adore you. I can't resist you. Oh, Judy.' 

"He put his arms around me then and began to caress me all over. It's 
strange, but a person's body feels different somehow when they've just been 
hurt and I became aware of that difference just now. Suddenly he didn't seem 
tike such a big man anymore, he seemed to be more on my own level. His touch 
was tentative, questioning, fearful almost. I could sense all this. And I 
was trembling from both anger and sexual excitement. 

"Our two bodies clung together and we seemed to melt into each other. I knew 
now that he really did love me in his own way and that I'd done something 
terribly wrong. Suddenly, I couldn't help crying, not sobbing, but just 
letting the tears drip from my eyes and roll down my cheeks. He kissed me 
tenderly, reassuringly. 

"Soon he was kissing my breasts, too. Then he lay me down on the couch with 
my pussy pointing toward his face. He bent down and began to kiss my pussy 
with all the same tenderness and gentleness. I quivered at his touch. 

"What I felt now was somehow different from anything I'd ever felt before. 
I'd been charged with all sorts of different emotions those past few 
minutes. But that seemed to make me more excited than ever. I squirmed and 
wiggled as he glided his tongue all around my pussy. It really felt 
wonderful. I was so extremely sensitive to everything, the wetness, the 
rough surface of his tongue, the way he kept changing the rhythm. 

"For a little while he took my clitoris and sucked at it gently, not too 
much, just enough to tease me. Then he curled his tongue so that the end 
became pointed and prodded it into the opening. I was too far gone by now to 
even think of having intercourse. What I wanted was more of this. Yes, this 
was so much more gentle. 

"I lay there, letting him carry me higher and higher with the magnificent 
motions of his tongue. I'd forgotten everything but the way my pussy felt 
and the sensations that started there and shot through my whole body. I 
didn't know if I was close to making it or not; all I knew was that I loved 
every bit of it. I wasn't thinking ahead. I was just enjoying every unique 
sensation as it occurred. It was one of the most fantastic times I'd ever 
had. 

"To make it even better, Ted moistened one of his fingers and stuck it into 
my anus. That's the first time this ever happened to me; in fact, I'd never 
even considered what such a thing would feel like. And it's hard to 
describe. From the instant he did it, a strange and new kind of sensation 
seemed to creep up my whole spine. At the same time my pussy got hotter, 
incredibly hot. 

"I began to moan and squirm. It was pure ecstasy. Everything possible was 
happening all at once: his finger in my anus, his tongue in my opening, and 
his lips against my clitoris. 

"It was more than I could stand. All of a sudden I was twitching wildly. I 
don't know where my orgasm started or if it started everywhere all at once. 
My hips shot up in the air and I was grinding my pussy against his face. 

Suddenly he thrust two fingers into my gaping hole and I could feel the 
inner walls clutch against them tightly in tremendous spasms. I hadn't 
believed myself capable of such a violent response. 

"My whole body was writhing and twisting, and then I was laughing 
hysterically. I was totally out of my mind for a few moments there. The 
whole thing was so wild it frightened me afterwards when I was myself again. 
The thought flashed through my mind that I might be a nymphomaniac. 

"But I didn't become depressed or concerned because Ted was covering me all 
over with little kisses and telling me how much he loved me. I was 
infinitely happy and it was only later that I remembered how oddly our 
lovemaking had begun and how badly I'd behaved." 

Judy's affair with Ted continued for several months. At the end of the 
school term, however, Ted moved to another school district where he was to 
begin working during the summer session. Ted explained to Judy that he was 
leaving because he had a better job and could not turn down a chance for 
advancement in his profession. Judy realized what she had suspected all 
along, that Ted was fascinated and captivated by her youthful charms, but 
did not love her in an enduring and complete way. He did write to her 
occasionally after the separation, though infrequently for fear of 
discovery. To preserve her self-respect, Judy wrote him a scathing reply in 
which she accused him of doing great damage to her. After all, he had 
initiated her sexually, then left her to be lonely and frustrated. 

For some time after Ted's departure, Judy's difficulties at home became 
worse. One of the reasons was her sexual frustration. She became 
increasingly edgy and irritable. The social worker tried to point out to her 
that her mother might also be sexually frustrated and therefore should be 
worthy of her sympathy, but Judy refused to acknowledge that her mother was 
capable of sexual drives. For some reason not explained by the social 
worker, Judy was never encouraged to masturbate, a practice that might have 
given her some physical relief at least. 

After a long and difficult summer, Judy returned to school as a sophomore, 
and began to date a senior whom she described as different from other boys 
his age. Surprisingly, they became sexually involved from the start and the 
relationship appeared to be satisfactory in a number of ways. Perhaps the 
most important factor in this new affair was that the boy's parents took an 
interest in Judy. Unlike her own mother, they were able to appreciate her 
intellectual capacities. Furthermore, they were aware of the young couple's 
sexual relationship and did not disapprove. The boy's mother went so far as 
to procure birth control pills for Judy, which entailed traveling to another 
town to a strange doctor and posing as Judy's own mother. 

Thus, Judy became a reformed Lolita, transforming herself into a more 
typical teenager of our times. Her new lover provided her with a sex life 
every bit as exciting as the one she had enjoyed with Ted and with emotional 
satisfaction that had been lacking in her previous affair. Also, in the 
boy's parents she found the adult attention and guidance her own home had 
not provided. 

At the time she stopped seeing the social worker, Judy's outlook for the 
future was quite optimistic. The boy planned to attend a college near home 
so as to be near Judy. They tentatively planned marriage, but agreed that 
Judy should stay in school and make every attempt to obtain a scholarship. 
Most important, perhaps, Judy came to terms with her mother's deficiencies 
and began to understand the difficulties involved in raising a child alone. 
Thus she became more tolerant and more sympathetic. In short, she became a 
much more mature young woman. 

 CHAPTER TWO 

Eleven-Year-Old Tami and Her Stepfather Hank 

"As long as I live, I'll never forget the sight of Hank's bare cock-the 
first one I'd ever seen-all swollen and full of odd little veins and edged 
with dark, kinky hair. I'd never even imagined what one would look like. 

"And somehow I really hadn't expected this to happen. He had me pinned down 
on the bed and at first I thought he was going to rape me. But he didn't 
even bother to take off my clothes. He just took down his pants and lowered 
his cock over my face. I squirmed and tried to get away, but his hold on me 
was too strong. 

"'Suck it, you little tease. Suck me off.' His voice was harsh and gruff. 

"I resisted until he pried my mouth open, all the while holding me down with 
the other hand. Then he shoved his cock inside. I thought I'd choke. I 
thought I'd faint from shock, too, because Hank just happens to be my 
mother's husband, my stepfather! 

"Why did he call me a little tease, what did I do? Well, I suppose I might 
as well tell the whole story. I did a lot of things actually, but I never 
bothered to add them up in my mind. I never expected things to turn out the 
way they did. 

"Mom and I had been alone for a long time when she finally met Hank. My 
father had stepped out on us when I was a tiny baby and my mother went to 
work to support us. She never went out much with men. She seemed to think 
that it was more important for her to be home with me, teaching me how to 
sew or helping me with my homework and stuff like that. She seemed to try so 
hard to make it up to me for not having a father. I think that when she did 
go out, she felt guilty about it. 

"Hank is a pretty forceful kind of guy and when he came along everything 
changed. I sensed that he was sort of pushing himself on my mother, almost 
against her will, but in a way she couldn't resist. My mother isn't too 
pretty and she's not getting any younger, so she fell for him and let him 
take over our lives. 

When she'd tell him she'd rather be with me than go out he'd say, 'Bring the 
kid along,' and she'd agree. 

"In just weeks after they'd met, Mom and Hank got married and we all went to 
live at his house, which has a lot more room than our apartment but isn't as 
modern or pretty. Mom was awfully concerned about me. She even said once she 
wouldn't marry Hank unless she was sure it would make me happy, too. 

"It's hard to put into words how I felt about Hank in the beginning. I kind 
of resented the way he was suddenly in command of everything, I'll admit. 
But I was conned by him, just as my mother was. He was really a kind of 
middle-aged prince charming, very good looking, fun to be with, and always 
thinking of great things to do like go on picnics or camping or have dinner 
out. Mom and I had led a pretty quiet life together and he taught us how to 
relax and have fun. Yes, I liked him and liked having him around. 

"I was eleven when Hank and Mom got married and I'd just started having my 
periods. But, really, I didn't consider myself old enough to have sex or 
anything like that. Of course, I thought about sex quite a bit and talked 
about it with my girl friends, but it all seemed to be something that was 
part of the future. Naturally, I looked forward to it the way all the other 
girls did. 

"Honestly, sex didn't seem to enter into what happened between Hank and me. 
I guess that shows how dumb I was. 

"From the very beginning Hank and I spent a lot of time together. Instead of 
helping me with my homework and stuff like that, though, we did things that 
were more fun. 

"Now that I think of it, we touched each other a lot. We'd do things like 
hide from each other in the big house, then when one discovered the other, 
we'd hug as though we were greeting each other after a long trip. We even 
did this when my mother was around and she seemed to think it was very 
sweet. 

"Then once we had a tickling battle. I know that sounds awfully childish or 
else awfully suspicious, but, nevertheless, it happened. I guess I started 
it when I told him I wasn't ticklish. 

"'I'll bet I can make you laugh,' he said. 

"'I'll bet you can't,' I told him, 'and I'll bet I can make you laugh.' 

"'Okay, whoever laughs first loses,' he said. 

"So we were tickling each other. I tried to get under his arms but he kept 
them glued to his sides, so all I could reach was his chest. I kept my arms 
tight against me, too, and his hands couldn't help grazing my breasts, which 
were pretty well developed. Anyway, this made me giggle, I lost and we 
hugged and made up. I never gave it a second thought. It was fun, sure, but 
it seemed so innocent. After all, this man was my stepfather. Shouldn't he 
be allowed to touch me practically anywhere? 

"What should have put me wise, though, was the time we wrestled. Mom was at 
work when this happened. And I started it. I just wanted to test my 
strength, or that's all it seemed to be at the time. Now that I think of it, 
though, what I did feel then and during the tickling battle was something 
like sexual excitement, only I didn't know it. It's also like the feeling 
you get in sports sometimes, when you're using different parts of your body. 

"Anyway, I snuck up behind Hank and reached up, grabbing him around the 
chest, as though I expected to be able to toss him over my shoulder. Of 
course, all I expected was to jolt his balance a little and I hoped I might 
be able to make his feet leave the floor for an instant. I'm pretty strong 
for a girl and I'm proud of it, too. 

"He whipped around fast as could be and grabbed me by the waist. Then he 
hoisted me into the air. 

"'Let's Wrestle,' I said. 

"'Sure you want to, with a big man like me?' he asked, grinning. 

"'Sure,' I said. 

"Before I knew what was happening we were on the floor. He was careful not 
to hurt me, but he did do some pretty weird things. He didn't use any of the 
standard wrestling holds I know of. Instead, he kept moving my legs into 
funny positions. Once he spread them as far apart as he could and I'm sure 
he could see my panties because he was standing up at the time. Also, he 
took my legs and wrapped them around his waist while he bent over me. 

"One thing I'll have to confess. I wasn't resisting all this as well as I 
could have. It was fun in an odd sort of way. Now I know it was pure sex. In 
another minute he'd have started something if the telephone hadn't started 
ringing. He was on the phone for quite a while and I went out to the kitchen 
to get some work done to help out Mom. 

"But the only thing that entered my stupid mind was, how nice it was to have 
a father. Now that I think of it, I was experiencing a desire for sex for 
the first time in my life and just didn't recognize it for what it was. And 
I guess I was guilty of putting ideas in his head. I'm not so sure, though, 
that the ideas weren't there to begin with. I know I acted foolishly, but 
I'm not going to put all the blame on myself. If I had a desire for him 
without realizing it, he had a desire for me, too, and he must have known it 
because he was a grown-up man. Maybe I did tease him, but he was the one who 
held me down on the bed and stuck his cock in my mouth, then did all the 
other things that happened later. 

"That first time when he made me suck his cock,, all I did was come out of 
the bathroom with a towel wrapped around me. As I passed the door to the 
bedroom where he was watching TV, I looked inside and waved to him. That was 
all. Honest. I just did it to be friendly. 

"What I didn't think of was the way the towel was draped really revealed my 
figure and let most of my legs show. Sure, I knew I could look sexy; often 
I'd stood in front of the mirror and admired myself. But I didn't think my 
own stepfather would find me sexy. I thought he loved me like a daughter. 

"My whole life was wrecked in those next few minutes. He jumped up off the 
bed and ran into the hall, where he grabbed me. 

"'You teasing bitch,' he said. 

"At first I thought he was just being playful, the way he usually was. But 
there was a tone in his voice that had never been there before. I was 
scared, though I didn't know what it was I was scared of. 

"'You've been asking for it. Well, I'll give you something you never asked 
for and see how you like it.' 

"I had no idea what he was talking about until he had me down on the bed and 
was pointing his cock into my mouth. I didn't know there was a kind of sex 
like that. I knew about intercourse, but that was all. 

"The sight of his cock was quite a shock, too, but to tell the truth it 
didn't repel me. It sort of overwhelmed me, though, being so big and so 
powerful looking. 

"When he finally got my mouth open, he shoved his cock in, way in. At this 
point I was utterly horrified. I couldn't speak, of course, and the screams 
I tried to let out became nothing but little gurgles in my throat. I kept 
thinking, God, save me! God, save me from this! 

"Much to my surprise, it didn't make me throw up or even gag. I lay there, 
with tears running down my cheeks now, as he began plunging it in and out. 
This I knew to be the motion of sex, only I'd never dreamed it could be done 
this way. In fact, for all I knew, Hank was subjecting me to something that 
had never been done before. 

"I won't say that I enjoyed it, that first time, but as Hank continued to 
pump his cock in and out of my mouth, I stopped thinking of him as my 
stepfather. I sort of pretended he was someone else, someone I didn't really 
know. You see, it was so horrible to think of my stepfather doing this to 
me, I had to push that thought out of my mind. 

"Yet I hated him at the same time. Hated him for making me do this awful 
thing. Really, I felt nothing like sexual excitement. This was so peculiar. 
After all, I'd always thought one uses one's genitals for sex and one's 
mouth for eating. Also the gruesome thought occurred to me that this is 
where he urinates and I might get some awful infection or something. 

"I endured it somehow. He positioned my lips around my teeth to make them 
more like a cunt, I suppose, and he told me not to bite. It's funny, but the 
thought hadn't occurred to me. I could have bit him or punched him in the 
balls and really done him in. But I didn't. I suppose that's funny, but I 
was too stunned to fight back in any of the obvious ways. 

"It went on and on. My jaws seemed to be paralyzed from keeping my mouth 
open so long. Now and then I caught a glimpse of his face and I could tell 
that he was really enjoying it. And I'll confess I liked the idea that he 
was getting kicks out of it, I guess because, deep down inside, it made me 
feel like a real woman for the very first time in my life. Of course, I 
wasn't quite ready to admit that just then, but later it dawned on me. Even 
though I wasn't aroused myself, I was pleased with myself for having aroused 
a man and being able to give him enjoyment in a sexual way. 

"Finally he got my head into motion. Really, I didn't want to do this, but 
he wanted me to and so I did. He put his hand under my head and started 
moving it up and down. 

"'Suck, baby, suck,' he commanded. 

"It wasn't hard to figure out what he meant by that and so I was sucking, 
gripping his cock in my mouth and pulling it in, further and further. Not 
that I wanted to, really. But some-how, I couldn't help doing what he said. 
It's really weird how these things can happen when you don't want them to 
and yet they happen. Every time I read in the newspaper about somebody being 
raped, I know what really went on. You don't want to do it and yet you can't 
help yourself. 

"It entered my mind that I was really lucky that he hadn't tried to fuck me 
because that could have made me pregnant, while this peculiar act was at 
least safe. So I sucked and sucked, now and then wondering What the end 
would be like and wondering when it would be. 

"I guessed that the end was not faraway when he started to shove it into me 
faster and faster and my head couldn't keep up with the motions. I just lay 
there and, after a little while, began to hold my breath. When I looked up 
at him, I saw that his eyes were closed. 

"Then it happened. He plunged the damn thing so far into my throat I almost 
did gag and kept on with swift little strokes. My mouth was rapidly filling 
with a funny, fishy, salty-tasting stuff and I knew what it was, only I'd 
expected it to be more of a liquid, not so thick. I could feel his cock 
convulsing as it spurted out. 

"Now I was sure I was going to choke. He kept his cock in my mouth, so I 
couldn't swallow the way I normally do. And my mouth was about as full as it 
could get. I was dying to spit it out, but I couldn't do that either. 

"Finally he pulled his cock out. 'Swallow,' he said. 'It won't hurt you.' 

"I did and I was surprised that it sort of tasted good as I did so. It's 
odd, but I was no longer so disgusted about the whole thing. I'd made him 
come and I felt proud of myself for that. 

"Hank lay back on the bed, exhausted and tired from it all. 

"Tami,' he said, now in a soft voice, "you must never tell your mother about 
this, or anyone else. Do you understand?' 

"I was silent for a moment, for I suddenly realized that it would kill my 
mother if she knew. And I was beginning to realize, too, that anybody who 
found out would realize that it was just as much my fault or almost as much 
my fault, at least. 

"'I won't tell,' I promised solemnly. 

"That's all I said. Then I went to the bathroom and brushed my teeth and 
used Listerine. A few minutes later I was on my bed, sobbing like crazy. Oh, 
why did it have to happen? Why didn't I realize what I was doing all this 
time? 

"At dinner that night Hank was joking and happy, just like he always is, 
while I was kind of quiet. My mother asked me later if anything was wrong, 
but I told her no, that I was just feeling moody. She seemed to accept that. 

"Oddly enough, Hank and Mom went to bed early that night, very early. When 
they do that, I always know they're having sex. But tonight it made me feel 
very strange. Not jealous, but more sorrowful because my mother loved this 
man and didn't know how awful he really was. 

"At about this time my mother got the big idea that I should start calling 
Hank 'Daddy.' She even told me that she thought it would make him feel 
appreciated and all that. I actually tried it once or twice, at the table or 
when we were all together in the living room, but I soon lapsed back into 
calling him 'Hank.' I got a creepy feeling every time I called him 'Daddy.' 
I couldn't help remembering that he'd done something no Daddy should do. 

"From then on I made arrangements to be away from the house most of the time 
when my mother was working and Hank wasn't. It was summer and I was home 
from school on vacation and Mom worked a regular day, but Hank worked kind 
of off and on. I'd go visit my girl friends, or sometimes I'd go to the 
public library, which is a big drag, or I'd just go out and wander around 
stores looking at things and pretending I really wanted to buy something. 

"One day, though, I got back from downtown and found Hank at home when I 
hadn't expected him to be there. I tried to think of some excuse to get out 
of the house again, but nothing popped into my mind. Also, since I hadn't 
seen him alone since the terrible thing happened, I was hoping we'd make up 
and be friends again. I was far too unhappy with things the way they were. 

"He took me aside in the living room, beckoning me to sit down on the couch 
with him, and I hoped for the best. And he was so smooth, so cool. Now that 
I think of it, I'll bet he practiced every line in his mind. But I was 
unsuspecting, still ready to expect him to be decent. Why, I don't know. By 
now I should have been wiser. 

"`Honey,' he began so calmly, so sweetly, 'I know you were upset about what 
happened. You must understand, a man has certain drives....' 

"'I'm willing to forget about it if you are,' I offered. 

"'I lost my head. I just couldn't help myself. You were so beautiful, so 
desirable. I didn't intend it to happen. I just got carried away.' 

"Then can everything be the same as before? We'll just pretend it never 
happened,' I said. 

"'Oh, God,' he moaned, 'if it Only could be the same as before. But it 
can't. Don't you know that? It can't.' 

"'What do you mean?' I asked him. 

"Tami, it's you I love. It's you who turns me on. When I make love to your 
mother, it's you I'm thinking of.' 

"That made me feel terrible and confused, all at once, and I got up and 
started walking away. He grabbed me, though, and brought me back to the 
couch. 

"Tami,' he said softly, 'sometimes strange things happen to people. 
Sometimes they love other people they shouldn't, but they can't help it.' 

"By now he'd started running his hands softly over my shoulders and my arms. 
Was it that which brought the blush of excitement over me or was it the 
magic word love? I don't know what happened inside me, but I was being 
convinced by him that sometimes strange things happen to people and they 
can't help it. 

"'Our love is not going to be easy,' he went on. 'For your mother's sake, we 
must both live a lie. And we both love her, too, so we mustn't hurt her. But 
we can't help ourselves.' 

"I didn't protest. Suddenly his mouth was on mine, twisting against my lips, 
prying them open. That kiss was the end of me as an intelligent, sane 
person. I began to shake and tremble with desire. This man wanted me, loved 
me. And my body couldn't help but respond. I knew that it was all wrong, 
terribly wrong, but I couldn't help myself. 

"He pulled me tight against him and our bodies were writhing together in a 
slow sensuous rhythm that was a preview of what was to come, or so I 
thought. It kept going through my mind that soon I wouldn't be a virgin 
anymore. I'd be a complete, fulfilled woman and I liked the idea of that. 

"I kissed him back, pressing my lips against his and twisting them 
passionately, finally opening my mouth so that our two tongues could rub 
against each other. When we separated we were both panting, but I think I 
was panting even harder than he was. 

"Never before in my life had I felt this way, so helpless and 
uncontrollable, completely at the mercy of lust. Somehow the fact that it 
was forbidden made my desire even stronger. I knew that I was committing a 
sin that was doubly wrong and there was no way I could help myself. The 
thinking part of my mind had been overcome by the urges of my body. I'd 
never realized that those urges could be so strong. 

"I was on fire all over. Everyplace he touched me-my back, my arms, and 
finally my breasts-I couldn't help but respond. I was sensitive everywhere, 
it seemed. 

"What he did was nothing like before. He was very gentle; his touches were 
soft. He drew circles around one of my breasts with his hand, then cupped as 
much of it in his hand as he could. I was proud of how big my breasts were 
and pleased that he liked them. Soon he unbuttoned my blouse and dug inside 
my bra. His touch against the bare flesh was the most fantastic thing that 
had happened yet, though I knew there was to be more. 

"At last he undressed me completely, then held me in front of him to admire 
my nude body, which is every bit as shapely as a grown woman's. 

"'You're not really a child,' he muttered. 'God, what a turn-on you are.' 

"Then he pulled me to him and took one of my nipples in his mouth and sucked 
it like a baby. I wiggled and squirmed as he did this, finally reaching out 
and stroking his neck just below the hairline. How handsome he was, my 
forbidden lover, and how strong and everything else, everything a girl could 
wish for in a man. If only he weren't.... 

But I pushed the depressing thought out of my mind. 

"I was on the couch, my knees between his legs as he played with my breasts. 
Then, burying his head between the two of them, he reached down to my thighs 
and began to caress them in the most sensuous way possible. His hands ran 
over them very gently, and every now and then drifted toward the inside part 
or reached upward. I was dying for him to get to my cunt, but he was in no 
hurry. 

"Finally I changed position so that my legs were apart. Still he kept 
teasing me, reaching for it with his hands then pulling away. But finally, 
he just grabbed it, that is, he put his whole hand over my pussy and began 
to rub it. 

"'That's what you want, isn't it, Tami? That's what you want me to do,' he 
said in a low voice. 

"I didn't answer. I just began moving my cunt against his hand. Soon he took 
his fingers and opened the lips, finally touching the wet, sensitive parts 
inside. I didn't know as yet where I was most sensitive; the whole thing was 
burning hot. 

"'So tiny ... so nice,' he muttered. 

"I supposed it was tiny, since it had never been used or even played with. I 
sensed that he was more turned on by the idea that I was just a little girl 
than by the fact that I looked like a much older girl. That seemed kind of 
peculiar, but I didn't stop to think about it. Not then, anyway. 

"He seemed awfully curious to know what my pussy was like and when he'd 
spread it open, he bent his head down so that he could look it over. He drew 
the lips back as far as he could to see everything. Then he took one finger 
and searched for the hole, which wasn't too hard to find. Still looking at 
me and grinning with the excitement of it all, he pushed that finger into 
me. I was surprised at how easily it slipped inside. The way it felt, 
though, was incredible. God, how I wanted to get fucked. I thought of his 
cock and wondered what it would feel like in me. 

"He lay me down on the couch and I thought, Now, now it's really going to 
happen. But instead he kept caressing my cunt with his fingers, teasing me 
again. He'd reach for my clitoris, then draw his hand away. He ran his 
fingers all around, carefully avoiding my clitoris and my hole and my ass, 
driving me utterly wild. I squirmed and moaned. 

"Then he did a weird thing. He put one of his fingers in his mouth to get it 
wet, then stuck it up my ass. I had no idea people do such things, but God, 
it felt terrific, almost the same as when his finger was in my cunt. He 
began to move it in and out in a sort of fucking motion, and I loved it. 
What he did next made me feel even better. He took the other hand, and with 
his fingertips flicked the end of my clitoris. I knew that it was bulging 
and erect. I'd never known, though, how awfully sensitive it could be. I 
almost begged him to stop when he took two fingers and grasped my clit 
between them and started a rotating kind of motion. 

"I couldn't believe it, how these weird things got me so trembly and hot. He 
kept pumping his finger in my ass and massaging my clitoris, making it reach 
out in all directions. He even pretended as though he was going to make it 
go into my vagina, but of course it wouldn't stretch that far. When is he 
ever going to fuck me? I wondered. 

"All at once, he brought his face down and rested it on my stomach and 
increased the rhythm of the things he was doing with his hands. About now I 
stopped thinking about fucking, stopped thinking of everything, in fact. An 
instant later, still churning away with his hands, he brought his tongue 
into contact with my clit. 

"I guess that's what did it. All of a sudden I was throbbing as I'd never 
believed possible. There seemed to be an enormous heartbeat in my pussy, a 
fantastic pounding. And with it I could feel every inch of my pussy 
twitching and convulsing, doing all sorts of strange things by itself. As 
this was going on, he took a finger or two and shoved them into my cunt, 
moving them in and out as I kept trying to pull them into me deeper and 
deeper. 

"Well, I hadn't been fucked, but I had come, all right. Now that I think of 
it, it was probably all part of a carefully thought-out scheme of his. If 
he'd fucked me, I might not have had an orgasm, since a lot of girls don't 
the first time. He did everything possible to make sure that I'd come, and 
now that he'd accomplished it, I was in his power. Of course, I wasn't aware 
of all that at the time. 

"I lay there, exhausted and panting, mystified at what it had been like, and 
a little sorry that I hadn't got fucked after all. He grinned down at me. 

"'You liked it, didn't you? You loved it. I knew you would. We're going to 
have a great time, you and me.' " 

It is difficult to believe, in considering Tami's own presentation of the 
facts, that she was indeed so innocent as she claimed to have been. Yet it 
is altogether possible that she did not stop to think about what the outcome 
of her actions might be. She somehow thought that she could get away with 
behavior that was, on the surface, at least, just playful. 

What neither Tami nor her mother knew was that Hank happened to be one of 
those men who have more than a normal desire for young girls. It was never 
ascertained whether or not he might have married Tami's mother while 
harboring intentions toward Tami all along. Such cases are frequent, of 
course. But so too are cases where the man is first attracted to the mother, 
but later begins to see the daughter as a sexual object-a pristine replica 
of his more mature sex partner. 

Of more interest here, though, is the case of Tami herself and the factors 
in her background which presage what happened. That is not to say that Tami 
was more responsible than Hank for what occurred. Their involvement could 
best be considered as the result of various intervening circumstances. Yet 
Tami, had her personality and her self-concept been different, might have 
been able to alter those circumstances and thus prevent this series of 
experiences. 

It is obvious that Tami led quite a sheltered life as the daughter of an 
overprotective, highly nurturing mother. As Coopersmith and other 
researchers have found, the overprotective parent figure often prevents the 
child from developing self-confidence and self-esteem. Tami, though quick to 
call attention to the size of her breasts or her athletic strength and 
abilities, demonstrated an overall lack of confidence. 

This factor, combined with her premature physical development, made her ripe 
for attention of a sexual nature. Her seeming innocence about sex is 
actually a protective coloring given to urges which, though she did not 
totally understand them, she endeavored to repress and pretend to be 
nonexistent. 

Throughout Tami's account of these sexual adventures, there is an 
ambivalence toward what is happening. In a way, she is enjoying it and in a 
way, she isn't. And she constantly "pretends" that things are somehow 
different from the way they really are. By filtering her experiences through 
her defense mechanisms of fantasy, she encouraged this unwholesome 
relationship to continue and became romantically involved with a man who was 
to lead her to severe trauma. Had Tami been more assertive of her role as 
"daughter" in relation to Hank, all this might never have occurred. Also, 
had Tami's mother been a more aware and astute observer of human behavior, 
she might have recognized the subtle indications of what was happening. As 
luck would have it, though, nothing occurred to prevent the sequence of 
events which was to follow. 

"That day after I came for the first time, I began to change. I started to 
trust Hank more and more. And I went out of my way to deceive my mother. 
Even the very evening after it happened, I came down to dinner all full of 
smiles and ready to laugh at Hank's jokes. I had to act as though everything 
was perfectly normal. 

"And I started to convince myself that somehow, in some strange way, it 
wasn't really wrong. I told myself that we loved each other and so it had to 
be this way. All along, though, I felt like the heroine of a very sad love 
story. 

"I couldn't wait to be alone with Hank again. I felt as though I'd been 
cheated out of something because he hadn't really fucked me yet. I was dying 
for it and I could tell by little glances that he gave me now and then that 
he was waiting for the opportunity. 

"I hoped, of course, that he'd take precautions. This fear was on my mind 
for the next few days. It would really be awful if I got pregnant. 

"At last we had our chance. My mother was at work and Hank was having a day 
off. I woke up early in the morning, but didn't come downstairs because I 
didn't want to see my mother. Seeing her would have made me all mixed up 
inside, for I just knew that today was the day it was going to happen. 

"Hank slept in. I peeked into the bedroom several times during the morning 
and he was fast asleep. It made me a little mad that he hadn't woken up the 
way I did, all hot and ready for it. I went back to my room and played with 
myself a little. I realized that I could even make myself come by touching 
all the right places the way Hank did, but I wanted to save it. 

"After putting my hand inside my panties for about the third time. I 
couldn't stand it any longer. I went into the bedroom and bent over Hank, 
who was still fast asleep. Then I took off all my clothes and crawled under 
the covers with him. 

"I reached out to him and began to snuggle up next to him with my arms 
around him. He groaned, but he still didn't wake up. So I became very 
daring. I took my hand and touched his cock inside his pajamas. It was hard! 
He must have been dreaming about me, I thought. 

"I began stroking his cock gently. He purred as though he liked it, but kept 
on sleeping for a few moments longer. Finally he opened his eyes and saw me 
there on the pillow next to him. He didn't even seem surprised. He just 
smiled. 

"'Keep going, Tami,' he said, "keep going.' 

"I did for a little while, and then I said, 'What about something for me?' 

"He stretched out his hands, and for the first time, I think, he realized I 
was completely naked. 

"'You gorgeous little creature,' he said. 'I think you're ready to get 
fucked. How about it?' 

"I was a little surprised at his being so blunt about it and not saying 
anything about love, so I hesitated in answering. 

"He went on, 'What you really need is a big old cock in your pussy. You'd 
love it. I know you would.' 

"His being so frank made me a little shy. But I didn't want to discourage 
him. 'I want you to make love to me,' I said. 

"'That's just what I'll do, Tami,' he told me. 

"Suddenly his hands were roaming all over my bare body, wandering from my 
breasts to my thighs and finally to my pussy. When he reached his hand into 
the tender spot between my legs, he noticed at once that I was all wet and 
ready for it. He chuckled as he caressed my pussy, opening the lips and 
reaching his fingers inside. 

"'You want it, all right. I knew you did.' 

"Then he stuck one finger up inside me the way he'd done before. I could 
hardly wait to have his cock there, but one thing worried me, though. I had 
to ask him about rubbers or foam or something. 

"There's something I'm scared of,' I said, 'and that's getting pregnant. I'm 
old enough to, you know.' 

"'Ah, don't worry your head about a silly thing like that,' he said. 

"'But, do you have something? Really, I've got to be careful.' I was 
earnest. 

"'Well, now, let me see.' 

"He let go of me and reluctantly got up from the bed to search through a 
dresser drawer. Finally he took out a cigar box, opened it, and withdrew 
something wrapped in a handkerchief. It was a secret hiding place, I 
guessed. He held up a little red and white package. 

"The real thing,' he said. "Three of them.' 

"As he walked back to the bed, I noticed that his cock was standing straight 
out, perfectly parallel to the floor. He unbuttoned his pajama pants and let 
them fall down, then came over to me. 

"'Enjoy it a little bit before I cover it up,' he said, pointing his cock at 
my mouth. 

"I took it in my mouth, willingly this time, and sucked it the way he'd 
taught me how. What a shame it was to cover it up with something artificial, 
I thought, but, of course, it was necessary. 

"There was something a little gruesome about the way he sat down on the bed 
and proceeded to put on that surgical-looking object. It was like a little 
circle, but it rolled on, little by little, stretching to fit his gigantic 
cock and leaving it all white and funny looking. 

"'You'd like it better without this,' he murmured. 'Next time, honey, we'll 
figure out something better.' 

"Then he pulled open the drawer to the bed-side table and took out a huge 
jar of Vaseline. I was wondering what it was for when he began smearing it 
over the surface of the contraceptive. 

"That'll make it easier,' he said. 

"I was still turned on, still hot for him, but all these complications 
reminded me of the things that go on in doctors' offices. It was all so 
technical and unromantic. 

"But all that changed an instant later. He took me in his arms and brought 
his lips down on mine, hard and firm. I kissed him back with everything I 
had and pressed my body against him. Soon his hands were caressing my hot, 
wet pussy again and I could hardly wait to get on with it. I was about to 
become a woman, I thought to myself. 

"Without any prompting, I lay down on the bed and opened my legs wide, 
baring my pussy for him. He grabbed my knees and brought them upward toward 
my chest, so that both my cunt and my ass were pointing up in the air. 

"Then he was over me, his handsome face just above mine, his cock just 
inches away from my open cunt. Our eyes met. I expected an expression of 
tenderness, but instead he had a wild look about him that reminded me of 
that first time. I figured it must be that men just looked that way when 
they were excited, so I wasn't afraid or put off by it. No, I didn't know 
then what he was really like. 

"He lowered himself on me, careful to let his weight rest on his elbow on 
one side, while with the other hand he reached down to guide his prick into 
me. 

"It didn't go in too easily, even with all the Vaseline and my natural 
juices. For a few seconds he tried to ease it in, then he gave a jerk and 
plunged it the rest of the way. That hurt a little, but not enough to bother 
me. I wanted to fuck so badly. 

"I loved the way that big cock made me feel so full. All my insides were 
being compressed. I knew that my cunt was stretching to fit around it, too. 
I'd never be quite the same again. From then on, I wasn't a virgin. 

"He began an up-and-down motion that seemed a little rough, not soft and 
sensual as some of our other lovemaking had been. It seemed a little strange 
at first, but little by little, it got to me. My whole pussy began to warm 
up as the motion of his cock sent sensations out in all directions. And I 
began to respond with a motion of my own, raising myself up to meet his 
strokes. 

"I was getting fucked and I was enormously happy about it. I let myself 
forget who he was and all the things that were wrong with our being together 
like this. I was just a hot and hungry female body. 

"'Oh, God, Hank, it's good,' I sighed. 

"'Yeah, Tami, yeah. Everything Hank does to you is good.' 

"And I believed him as my body reacted to his, getting hotter and hotter. I 
was completely in his power by now. I was no longer myself. I see how some 
people can believe in devils and demons; it's really possible to lose hold 
of yourself and do incredible things.... 

"God, how I loved it, the strong, forceful thrusts of his cock piercing me 
and filling me. It was what I'd wanted and needed for a long time without 
ever realizing it. And with every stroke, I was flying higher, soaring way 
above anything I had ever known before. 

"All this time I was learning how to use my cunt, too, how to pull with it 
and suck his cock deep inside me. He didn't have to tell me what to do; I 
just knew how. I also knew that by grinding against him as our bodies met, I 
could stimulate my clit. 

"We were fucking frantically. How Hank lasted so long, I don't know, but I 
guess he really wanted it to be good for me. He didn't dare let me down when 
I'd been so hot for him. 

"Our bodies met and separated, again and again, the sweat from both of us 
lying in little pools all over my body. My cunt kept grabbing and clutching 
at him more intensely all the time. I was getting somewhere, that much I 
knew, although I wasn't at all sure just how far I had to go to the finish. 

"Once more our eyes met and I saw that wild look, only now it seemed right. 
I imagined that I must look wild myself. Somehow there was no love about 
this thing we were doing, but for the moment, I didn't care. All I cared 
about was my pussy and the wonderful things that were happening to it. 

"Suddenly something went through my whole body like an electrical charge. I 
thought I was having a fit. Yes, it was scary. I just began to twitch and 
heave all over. I'd come before, but it wasn't like this. This was a 
volcano, an earthquake. The mysterious violence spread to Hank, too, and he 
was grabbing me by the shoulders and fucking me so hard I thought he'd tear 
my insides apart. My God, I thought, so this is sex! 

"It was a little like dying, too. We both lay still for a long time 
afterwards. I wasn't sure if I was going to recover, if I'd ever come back 
to my senses. 

"Then Hank was softly caressing my body and telling me how lovely I was and 
how much he loved me. It's funny, but just then I didn't care. The important 
thing was that I'd actually experienced sex, the thing everybody talks 
about. 

"No, that wasn't the only time Hank and I made it together. It happened 
again and again. Sometimes it was wild and violent and sometimes it was 
loving and gentle. Sometimes I thought I loved him, other times I just loved 
his cock and what it did to me. That's the truth. I never could make up my 
mind how I felt about the whole thing. 

"Now that Hank is gone, I realize how wrong it was and how badly I behaved. 
But I miss him too. It'll probably be a long time before I can find a 
boyfriend who can do the things I need done to me. And it'll take a while 
for Mom and me to settle down to being alone again. Thank God, she never 
found out about Hank and me. That would have been too much, on top of 
everything else." 

At some time during the interval that Tami was sexually involved with Hank, 
he sought out another young girl in one of the city parks and molested her 
sexually. Although the girl suffered no real physical injury, she was 
extremely frightened and told her parents, who in turn reported the case to 
the police. After some period of investigation, Hank was identified and 
arrested. 

During the interrogation that followed, Tami, true to her word, never told 
anyone about her own relationship with Hank. Not only did she wish to 
protect herself, but she somehow also felt that she might have helped incite 
Hank to commit this subsequent crime. Even though Tami and her mother 
attested to Hank's innocence in the matter, Hank was positively identified 
by the child and was sentenced. 

Tami and her mother tried to resume their old style of life. First they 
moved back to their old apartment, but since the case had received wide 
publicity in the town where they lived, they finally decided to move to a 
nearby city. Before moving, Tami's friends had quizzed her as to Hank's 
behavior with her, which, of course, was something she preferred not to 
think about. 

Once situated in their new environment, Tami and her mother were still far 
from happy and content. Both had suffered from loss and deception; the 
mother could talk about how she felt, but Tami was forced to repress her own 
emotions. Finally, a friend suggested that they seek counseling through a 
family service agency. It was here, alone with a counselor who was committed 
to secrecy, that Tami at last told her story. 

In verbalizing what had happened and her various and confused feelings about 
it, Tami began to overcome her guilt. Although it seemed important for her 
to see herself as the victim of a set of rather unusual circumstances, it 
was also important to allow her to consider that events in the external 
world can be influenced by one's own actions and resolutions. With the help 
of a firm but sympathetic counselor, Tami was able to make some progress 
toward maturity. 

 CHAPTER THREE 

Twelve-Year-Old Natalie and Her Foster Father Mr. A- 

"There he was, my new foster father, husky and dark with eyes that looked as 
though they could see through things. Beside him was his wife, and it was 
hard to believe they were really a couple. She was overweight, plain and 
dowdy, about as unappealing as a woman could be. Why on earth did such a 
handsome man pick a woman like that? I wondered. 

"The social worker introduced us, then left us alone for a few minutes to 
talk. My foster father, whose name was Mr. A-, explained to me about their 
having lost their son in an accident and how lonely they were without him. 
He also said he'd heard about my mother's death and my father's 
disappearance afterwards. He said he hoped we'd make each other forget the 
past and be happy. His wife didn't say anything. 

"I guess she was a little ill at ease. She'd heard the bare facts about me, 
but probably she hadn't been told what I look like. For twelve years old, I 
had a lot going for me, enough to make older boys and grown men sit up and 
look. I think she was jealous from the very beginning. 

"And from the very beginning, my foster father turned me on. I couldn't help 
it. After all he wasn't my real father and he was a very good-looking man. I 
was sure he was pretty unhappy with that lousy-looking wife of his, too. 
Somehow I knew it wouldn't be hard to get something going if I wanted to. 

"Finally the social worker came back into the room, they signed some papers, 
and we were off in their big car to where they lived. It turned out to be a 
house like nothing I'd ever seen before. I don't know how many rooms there 
were. It was the kind of place where you imagine movie stars live with a big 
fence out front, several acres of trees and flowers, and a huge house where 
servants were bustling around madly. 

Mr. A-was a business executive of some sort, but that was all I knew, and I 
certainly hadn't expected such luxury. 

"It made me like him all the more, though, to think that he was a big 
success and could af-ford all these things. But I figured, too, that he'd be 
away a lot of the time and I'd be stuck in the big house with Mrs. A-. Also, 
I imagined that with his dough, he probably already had a mistress or two, 
and wouldn't pay any attention to me. v 

"I was altogether wrong. It turned out that Mr. A-worked in an office at 
home and that his wife was away a lot, at women's club meetings and doing 
volunteer work to help the poor. 

"To make things difficult, though, Mr. A-'s office and his 'private rooms' 
were in a different wing of the house from the room I'd been given. But he 
was situated nearer the pool than I was. 

"He asked me one day if I'd like to use the pool, and all sorts of things 
flashed through my mind. I told him, 'Sure, if it's all right,' and he said 
he'd see to it that it was in shape, since nobody had used it for a while. 

"The swimming pool was put in order before Mrs. A-had a chance to take me 
shopping, and at that point I had very few clothes and didn't even own a 
bathing suit. I decided I'd just go swimming in my underwear, that is, my 
bra and bikini panties. I knew they'd stick to me and show off my figure to 
the best possible advantage when they got wet. I just hoped Mr. A-would be 
around to notice. 

"I draped a towel over my underwear and paraded through the big house to the 
pool area. 

Still well concealed, I passed by the window where Mr. A-was working and was 
surprised to see that the draperies were open. He looked up as I went by and 
waved to me. I had a hunch he was going to watch whatever I did. 

"When I got to the pool, I threw down the towel and went down the steps. I 
swam a few strokes, then turned around and swam back; the pool was longer 
than any of the ones I'd ever been in before. Besides, I hadn't done any 
swimming in a long time and I was getting tired fast. I stayed in as long as 
I could, to make it look as though I'd really appreciated his getting the 
pool ready for me, then I got out. 

"My bra and panties were now almost transparent. And they were wrinkled, 
clinging to me. My breasts are a full C-cup, with a nice bit of cleavage in 
between. As I got out of the pool, I kept hoping that Mr. A-was watching, 
also that no one else from the house was. Mrs. A-, of course, was away. 

"I dried off with the towel, then lay down on it beside one of the 
peculiar-looking statues. An instant later, I looked up and saw that Mr. 
A-was bending over me. For an instant I was afraid he was going to mention 
something about my not having a bathing suit, but I needn't have worried. 

"'It's a little chilly out here, even with the sun,' he said. 'Why don't you 
come into my office and we'll light a fire in the fireplace.' 

"I bounded up. 'That sounds great,' I said. 

"His office was a fantastic room, so masculine looking, with dark-paneled 
walls and leather chairs, everything brown and black. I liked it instantly 
because most of the house is white and gold and delicate looking. There was 
something really cozy about this room. 

"To my surprise, instead of calling in one of the servants, he built the 
fire himself. When it was flickering brightly, he turned to me. 

"'Why don't you get out of your wet things. I'll get you a robe. It's one of 
mine, but it's nice and warm." 

"I was really kind of bewildered. Everything could have been meant just to 
be kind and friendly, or it could have meant that he was on the verge of 
seducing me. Or letting me seduce him. I decided that he probably wasn't 
sure himself. He was really such a nice man. I knew he wouldn't force me to 
do anything against my will. But I had a feeling that he was attracted to 
me, too, and would be overjoyed if I let him know I felt the same way. 

"As he went to the closet for the robe, I stripped off my wet underwear. I 
watched him as he came toward me, and I knew that he was admiring my naked 
body. 

"'I don't really need the robe,' I said. 

"'Yes, the fire is getting quite warm, isn't it?' 

"If only he weren't so formal! I knew I'd have to start things, but I wasn't 
sure how. I'd played around with boys a little bit, but they were always the 
ones who got things going. I'd never gone the whole way, though, mainly 
because the boys I was with didn't seem to want to for some reason or other. 

"'Mr. A-,' I began, 'I don't really think of you as a father. I hope you 
don't mind. I think of you more as a friend.' 

"That's perfectly all right, Natalie. I'd like to be your friend.' 

"I could see I wasn't getting anywhere very fast. 'What if I said, I'd like 
to be your girl friend?' I ventured. 

"'I'd be very flattered, indeed,' he said, still as formal as could be. 

"'I'm old enough, really I am,' I said confidently. 

"'Do you know what you're saying?' He looked at me quizzically. 

"'I know. Even though I'm still a virgin, I know what I want.' It took a bit 
of nerve to say that, but I managed to get it out. 

"'Natalie, you're a beautiful girl, almost a woman. I've thought you were 
beautiful ever since I first saw you. And I'm a very lonely man. I won't 
bother to tell you about the kind of marriage we have, but it's far from 
ideal. For a long time, I've dreamed of a beautiful girl coming into my 
life, and here you are....' 

"Completely dry now and completely naked, I slowly approached him and let 
him take me in his arms. I knew that he wasn't sure yet about what he should 
do. He was really pretty square, but I knew, too, that he needed me. I 
looked up at his face. 

"'I hope I can make you happy,' I said. 

"'And I hope that I never make you unhappy,' he responded. 

"I thought there was something awfully sweet in his saying that. It made it 
seem almost like a real love affair, which is what I really wanted, but I 
knew it was something quite different. He liked me, but it would be too much 
to expect him to love me. So few people have ever loved me. I have to put up 
with what I can get, I guess. 

"He held me for a long time, caressing my back and shoulders. At last I 
raised my face toward his and he brought his lips down upon mine. It was a 
soft and beautiful kiss. His mouth moved slowly over mine, finally opening 
it. His tongue explored the inside of my lips and then prodded deep into my 
mouth. 

"This all stirred in me a quivering kind of response. It was so tender, so 
gentle, so carefully designed to arouse desires that had been hidden in me 
until now. I could feel that kiss clear down to my pussy, I swear. All I 
knew was that I wanted more of whatever it was he wanted to give me. 

"He led me to the big leather couch and stretched me out on it. I knew from 
the way he looked at me that my naked body was a delightful sight to him. I 
also knew that he was full of hesitation, but that it was too late to turn 
back. Something was bound to happen now. 

"'I'm really too old to be your lover,' he said, almost shyly. 

"I realized then that he was a little scared about getting undressed in 
front of me, afraid that his body might not appeal to me. 

"'But I'm crazy about you,' I told him. 'All my favorite movie stars are 
about your age. And you're like one of them, only I don't know which one.' 

"I know how babyish that must have sounded, but I didn't dare let him know 
how really aware I was. And at that moment, I felt as though I knew all that 
was going on in his mind. I understood this man a lot better than he 
understood me. 

"Anyway I got up from the couch and started helping him out of his exquisite 
sport clothes. He really needed me to sort of take over, you see. The poor 
guy was really all mixed up inside, yet he wanted me, and I was going to 
make sure that he'd have me. 

"He was beautifully built, really, with broad shoulders, heavy arms, and 
dark hair on his chest that matched the hair on his head. His prick, when I 
saw it, startled me a little, for I'd never really seen one in a state of 
erection before. My father used to go around the house nude, but never with 
a hard on. And there's a big difference. I suppose every girl goes through 
this once; after trying to imagine what such a thing could be like, she is 
suddenly confronted with a real one, big and powerful looking. 

"Before he had any chance to continue with seducing me, I just grabbed that 
prick and began to play with it. I knew enough to be gentle and to avoid the 
very tip, but I wasn't quite sure what I should be doing. I just explored it 
and stroked it admiringly. I'm sure he was surprised that I had so much 
nerve, but he was happy about it, too. 

"Soon he took my breasts in his hands, kneading them and squeezing them. I 
loved the way it felt, and I also enjoyed looking at his hands on my lovely 
breasts, his big, hairy hands on my soft, white skin. It was so animal-like 
and yet so gentle. 

"Instants later we were both on the couch, me somewhat under him, although 
he rested on his side instead of climbing on top of me. He was so big, I 
guess he didn't want to put all of his weight on me. 

"I curled one of my legs over his so he could get to my pussy. Slowly his 
hand crept up my thigh and finally landed on the mound of soft hair. He ran 
his fingers along the outside for several moments, then opened the lips to 
where I was all tender and wet. 

"I nearly screamed when he touched me there. 

Up until now, nothing had ever excited me so much. I was trembling all over 
as his hand began to travel over the soft, sensitive surfaces. 

"'I want it,' I murmured. 'You can tell, can't you? I want it.' 

"This is more than I ever dreamed possible,' he said and went right on 
stroking my pussy. 

"I squirmed and wriggled to let him know I was ready, but he seemed in no 
hurry to proceed. Finally he reached one of his fingers up inside me. I 
tightened my grip on it with my pussy. 

"'I want something bigger,' I said. 

"At last he put his cock between the parted lips of my cunt and began to 
move it around, over my clitoris, around the opening, and downward toward my 
ass. There was the slick sound of my wetness as he did this. And what I felt 
is almost impossible to describe. I thought I knew my pussy fairly well from 
my own explorations, but I'd had no idea how many places it is sensitive. 
And the touch of someone else, someone wonderful and attractive, is so very 
different. 

"I was really ready for it, and I guess he knew that, for he pointed the tip 
of his prick toward the opening. It took a little while to get it in. He was 
so careful not to hurt me. I'm sure there was no hymen there, but my pussy 
was awfully small that first time. 

"Finally it was inside, filling me, stretching me. I looked at him and I 
could hardly believe that this thing was really happening, that this 
handsome, rich, successful man was making love to me. His prick was still 
for several seconds; I guess he wanted to give me a chance to get used to 
it. Then he began a slow, sensual movement in and out. My cunt was so wet 
that this proved very easy. Soon I was moving with him. He reached one hand 
around to my rear to help me move, pulling me to him again and again. 

"'It's fantastic,' I whispered. I meant it, too. I'd experienced none of the 
disappointment that I've read about and heard other girls talk about. From 
the very beginning, I thought that sex was wonderful. 

"As he fucked me, he planted little kisses on my cheeks, my forehead, and 
even on my nose. I played with his ears and ran my fingers deep into his 
wavy hair. He was a really gorgeous man. I hoped I wouldn't fall in love 
with him and spoil things. 

"Almost without warning his thrusts speeded up and became more forceful. 
That I loved, and I' was really beginning to get somewhere, or at least I 
think I was. 

"'My God, it's been such a long time,' he groaned. 

"He was plunging his cock deeper and deeper into me and I responded with a 
more intense movement of my hips. But just seconds later, with one last 
violent thrust, I knew it was over. 

He clasped me to him and moaned. Inside my pussy I could feel the throbbing 
of his cock. It was only later, when he pulled it out, that I was aware of 
the sticky liquid he'd left inside. 

"'I'm so sorry,' he was saying in a faint voice. 'I wanted it to be better 
for you.' 

"I kissed him softly at the side of the mouth and smiled down at him. His 
eyes were only half open. 

"'Don't feel bad,' I said. 'Nobody comes the first time, do they? I loved 
it. I loved every minute of it.' 

"'You dear little thing,' he said. 'I wish I could give you more right now, 
but I just can't.' 

"There's always later,' I said. 'We aren't going to just stop, are We, 
forever?' 

"'I guess we've started something, haven't we?' he said. 

"'Haven't we?' I said with a little laugh. 

"Well, that was my seduction of Mr. A-, or his seduction of me, whichever 
way you want to put it. I wasn't in the least disappointed that I hadn't 
come, though I felt kind of strange for a while afterwards. I was shaky, 
especially in the legs. 

"Later, when I was back in my room, I lay down on the bed and recreated the 
whole scene in my imagination. I took my hand and let it travel gently over 
my pussy the way he had done with his. I inserted a finger and found it 
wasn't enough, so I tried two. 

"I pictured him being right there with me and masturbated like crazy, 
rubbing my clit with one hand and finger-fucking myself with the other. For 
a while I was afraid it wasn't going to work, because it was far less 
exciting than having a real man making love to me. 

"To make it better, I let my imagination go wild. I pretended there were ten 
guys -lined up and one was fucking me while the others watched and waited 
their turn. The idea really turned me on. Instead of thinking about Mr. A-, 
I was just thinking of wild sex. 

"At last my pussy tightened around my fingers and the pulsations' started. 
My ass jerked up and down and my fingers worked like mad until I'd come all 
I could. I kept my hands close to my pussy for a long time, feeling the 
throbbing gradually decrease. Then I fell asleep and didn't wake up until 
the maid called me for dinner. 

"We had dinner in the big, formal dining room, which is a very spooky place. 
For some reason only our end of the table is lighted and the rest of the 
room is all dark. And as usual, dinner was a very quiet, polite affair, with 
Mrs. 

A-telling Mr. A-about her good works and her social climbing and the rest of 
it. 

"That night I was particularly proud of myself, though. I had a big secret 
with Mr. A-and his homely little wife would never in the world suspect how 
she had been cheated. I could feel superior to this rich bitch who made a 
pretence of being a mother to me. 

"For the next few days, much to my distress, Mr. A-was away from the house 
during the times his wife was away. He may have had business deals or 
something important to attend to, but I suspected he was feeling pangs of 
guilt over what had happened and was purposely trying to avoid me. 

"One evening, though, Mrs. A-went out to take care of some sick people quite 
unexpectedly, and he and I were left by ourselves. I followed him into the 
den and pretended to watch the news on TV with him until I was sure all the 
servants were out of earshot. Then I crossed the room and perched myself 
seductively on the edge of his chair, my bare legs dangling in front of him. 

"'Here's our chance,' I whispered in his ear. 

"He turned to me, his expression very stern and serious. 'Natalie, I've been 
thinking about this. I can't be doing you any good...." 

"'Don't be silly,' I said coyly. 'You know I'm not a child. If it hadn't 
been you, it would have been someone else. Sooner or later, it was bound to 
happen. Would you rather I had an affair with one of the servants?' 

"I thought that would get him, make him jealous. 

"He didn't say anything, just put his big, hairy arms around me and nuzzled 
his head against my breasts. 

"'I'll take good care of you, better than anyone else could. I promise you.' 

"Soon we were on our way to his office, which we figured would be the safest 
place. In a house full of servants you have to be careful, but nobody 
disturbs, him in his office when he's working or pretending to be. 

"He lit a fire in the fireplace just like before. And I started to take off 
my clothes. 

"'You're sure you have no regrets, little one? You weren't upset after last 
time?' he asked me softly. 

"'I was dying for more,' I told him. 

"'I sort of left you hanging, I'm afraid,' he said. 'I'm sorry about that.' 

"All my clothes were lying in a heap on the floor. Completely nude now, I 
tiptoed up to-him and reached up to kiss him. 

"Feverishly he took me in his arms and clamped his hungry mouth down on 
mine. He can't resist me, I thought. I snuggled and squirmed against him, 
all the while twisting my lips vigorously against his. By the time our 
tongues were entwined, I could feel the hardness of his cock against my 
belly. His hands wandered tenderly over my soft, bare skin. 

"I sure was hot for it. My nipples tingled and my pussy was getting wetter 
by the minute. Pressing my body closer to him, I parted my legs a little so 
I could feel his thigh against my cunt. Then I realized I'd probably get my 
juices all over his pants, so I pulled back. 

"That kiss left me panting and a little weak. The next job, though, was to 
get his clothes off as fast as possible. I started unbuttoning his shirt, 
and an instant later he went to work to help me, taking care of the more 
difficult details like the belt buckle and the buttons at the waist of his 
pants. I helped him get his shoes off, then took care of the socks, just 
like an obedient little slave. And for him, I wouldn't have minded being a 
slave. 

"At last he was just the way I wanted him-naked, with his prick pointing 
straight out. Then he picked me up so that my head was level with his. At 
once I clasped my legs around his waist. My cunt was just over his prick. He 
was so strong; it took practically no effort at all for him to support all 
my weight this way. 

"I wiggled my ass and tried to reach for his prick with my cunt, but I 
couldn't quite make it. 

"Once again he kissed me, with even more passion than before, breathing hard 
into my mouth. We were both sweating by now, too. 

"Finally, still holding me in his arms with my legs around his waist, he 
transported me to the couch and stretched me out. Expecting him to mount me, 
I spread my legs wide apart. 

"Instead, he did something else that was out of this world. He put his head 
between my legs and started licking at my pussy with his tongue. 

It was utterly wild. He seemed to know where all the sensitive parts were 
and just what to do to them. 

"I lay there, grinding-my hips slowly, not even caring if he fucked me or 
not. This was so terrific. I knew there was some big word for it, but I 
couldn't remember what it was and I didn't care. All I knew was that I loved 
it and the crazy things it did to me. 

"He kept going back and forth between my clit and my hole, sometimes trying 
to put his tongue into me, which didn't really work, but it felt wonderful 
anyway. His saliva was mixing with my juices so that I was incredibly wet 
and could feel the liquid dripping down to my ass. My whole cunt was 
charged, ready for anything he might want to do to it. 

"Finally, and with great reluctance, I think, he pulled his mouth away and 
looked at me for a moment. 

"'Do you want me to go on?' he asked. 

"'Anything you want,' I told him, not caring what happened as long as it had 
to do with my pussy. 

"He sat up on his knees and showed me his cock, all swollen and hard as 
ever. " 'Yes,' I said, yea.' 

"'Do you want it inside of you?' he asked me. " 'Yes,' I said again. 

"'I'd be heavy on top of you. Would you mind being on top?' 

"I shrugged. 'Why not?' I was game for anything. 

"I got up and let him lie down on the couch with his cock pointing up toward 
the ceiling. 

"'First you sit on me,' he instructed. 'Or just get over me in a kind of 
sitting position.' 

"I wasn't quite sure how it was going to work, but I did as he said, 
crouching over him, my knees bent, my pussy touching the very end of his 
cock. He took one hand and used it to open my pussy wider, and with the 
other hand prepared to steer his cock into it. 

"'Now, bear down, nice and easy. Tell me if it hurts and we'll stop a 
minute.' 

"I pressed down with all my weight. It did hurt a little and I wasn't sure 
his cock was pointed in the right direction, but I wasn't about to say 
anything. I wanted that cock in me so badly. It took a little while and a 
little bit of maneuvering, but finally we were fitted together. That cock 
felt even bigger inside me than it had the first time. 

"Underneath me, he began to rotate his hips slowly, ever so gently so that 
it didn't hurt me. In fact, it felt marvelous. I propped my hands against 
the couch and began to move, too. What little bit of pain I'd felt had all 
gone away now and I was really hot. 

"This position was nice in a way. We could watch the expressions on each 
other's faces and I loved to see what I was doing to him, Also, he could 
fondle my breasts which felt really great. But, somehow, I wanted to be 
closer to him, wanted our two bodies to melt together. Hesitantly, I started 
to bend forward. He nodded for me to lie down against him and I did so. 

"It was wonderful the way our two bodies were together now, my head at his 
shoulder and the hairs on his chest tickling my breasts. His cock felt 
different inside me too. It seemed to be jiggling and jostling around my 
whole insides as he moved it in and out of my cunt. I couldn't move so much 
now as before, but that didn't matter. This position was really something 
else. My clit was rubbing against the coarse, curly hair around his cock, 
and up against my ass I could feel his balls. Wow! I couldn't believe 
anything could be such a turn-on. 

"We churned away like this, although really he did most of the work. My 
pussy grew hotter and hotter as his cock slipped and slurped in and out. I 
was lost to the world. If I'd thought about it, I'd have known for sure that 
I was going to come. But I didn't think about that or anything else. I just 
let it happen, and finally-when I hardly expected it at all-it did happen! 

"I was suddenly struck by an enormous twinge of sensation that began in my 
pussy and spread through my whole body. Suddenly my ass was bobbing up and. 
down in a way I'd thought impossible, pumping at his cock with my pussy, 
which seemed to open and close all by itself. 

"'Oooooooh,' I moaned and strange little sounds kept coming from my throat. 
I couldn't help it. 

"It lasted and lasted, too. After all, I'd saved up for that orgasm for a 
while. And it was altogether unbelievable, nothing like the times I'd made 
myself come playing with myself. My whole body was doing weird things, like 
a person having a fit, and my cunt was pulling at his cock as though it was 
about to pull it off! 

"My own sensations were just beginning to become a little more faint when he 
started plunging his cock up into me with more force than ever. I knew that 
he was coming, too, that I'd made him come. 

"It was terribly violent, at least as fierce as what I'd gone through. He 
thrashed about and groaned loudly. His face was scarcely recognizable. He 
gripped at my shoulders as though he were holding on for his life. 

"I sat up, watching him until it was over, then I collapsed on top of him, 
the wet liquid pouring down from my cunt and the sticky sweat seeming to 
glue us together. We lay like that for a long time, neither of us saying or 
doing anything. I felt simply wonderful. It had been a really fantastic 
experience. 

"From then on we got together quite a lot. I didn't have to go out of my way 
to persuade him to have sex. He wanted it just as much as I did and was 
willing to admit it. And we were lucky that Mrs. A-kept finding reasons for 
being away from the house. 

"I guess you'd call it an affair. It wasn't a love affair, though; never 
once did Mr. A-say anything about 'love' to me. He was always very tender 
and very sweet and, I think, in a strange sort of way he did care for me. 
Yet, for some peculiar reason, he never suggested that I call him anything 
but Mr. A-. 

"I know how odd the whole thing sounds, but I really believe our affair did 
me a lot of good. It made me stop feeling bad about my parents and all, and 
it made me feel like a woman. If I had it all to do over again, I wouldn't 
have wanted it to be any different." 

Although Natalie's case might seem strange to persons outside the spheres of 
social work and psychology, actually it is quite typical in a number of 
ways. As one noted psychologist, and member of the faculty of Wayne State 
University, has pointed out: "The very name 'foster daughter' has a sexual 
connotation to it. It's one of the unfortunate semantic offshoots of our 
time," Natalie's experience also fits the description of Lolitas which many 
experts have come to consider classic. The late Dr. Linus Foster described 
the situation thus: "I believe many cases of sexual relations between a very 
young girl and an older man are provoked by the girl." 

In considering Natalie as an individual, the driving force behind her 
behavior was, of course, an extreme need for love and affection. Having 
suffered from the trauma of losing her family, she really needed, most of 
all, surrogate parents, which foster homes are supposed to provide. Had it 
been feasible to place Natalie with relatives or with a couple whom she had 
known previously, it might have been possible for her to have established a 
somewhat normal child-parent relationship. The foster home, on the other 
hand, where the persons involved were complete strangers to her, allowed 
Natalie to mold and create another, very different kind of relationship. 

The type of foster home in which she was placed is significant, too. The A-s 
were extremely wealthy people and enjoyed a life style different from that 
which she had previously known. This made it easy for Natalie to have a 
"crush" on Mr. A-and picture him as someone like a movie star. In a more 
typical type of family situation, Natalie might have reacted quite 
differently. As it was, however, she placed Mr. A-on a pedestal, worshipped 
him, and subsequently seduced him, with the same guilelessness a movie fan 
might go about securing the autograph of a favorite star. 

The personalities of the A-s also helped create the situation which made for 
the affair. 

Mrs. A-, although supposedly devoted to helping those in need, showed little 
warmth or affection toward Natalie. She did not make any overtures toward 
being a mother to the girl possibly because of the shock of the recent death 
of her son. Quite possibly for the same reason, Mr. A-did not assert himself 
as a father. In addition, as Natalie herself found out, their marriage was 
not a happy one. Although Mr. A-seemed disinclined to become sexually 
involved with Natalie, he was definitely ripe for an affair with someone. 
Natalie perceived him as "square," or conservative. Significantly he had 
probably abstained from extramarital relations during most of his married 
life and lacked the initiative to become involved in an affair which might 
have been more appropriate for him. Yet, when Natalie presented herself to 
him, he did not have the strength to resist her. Of all the persons 
concerned here, it was probably Mr. A-who was most severely hurt by what 
ensued. 

"Mrs. A's habits really made it convenient for us. The difficult thing, 
though, was avoiding the servants, who seemed to be everywhere. Most of the 
time we got together in Mr. 

A's office, but frankly we got a little tired of that. 

"For a change, we began meeting in the guest-house, which is a marvelous 
little cottage out by the swimming pool. It's rarely used, so the servants 
don't go there on their daily rounds of the property unless asked to do so. 
We had to be careful, leaving the house at different times and all that, but 
I think we managed to escape any of the servants' notice. 

"There we had our choice of two bedrooms and sometimes we'd use the blue 
one, sometimes the yellow one. We didn't dare turn on any lights or open any 
windows, of course, but it was very nice, especially in the blue room with 
the big king-sized bed. 

"It was in the blue room that Mr. A-taught me how to suck his cock. He 
showed me how to curl my lips around my teeth and do all sorts of little 
things with my tongue. Little by little, I learned how to take it way into 
my mouth and how to keep on going for an almost endless length of time. He 
didn't like to come that way, though; he'd always have me stop and then we'd 
fuck. 

"It was in the blue room, too, that we met our fate. And we were having one 
of the best times we'd ever had when it happened.... 

"I'd come in from the swimming pool, which I'd been using quite a lot, 
partly so the servants could account for what I'd been doing if ever asked, 
and partly because it turned Mr. A-on to see me all wet and almost naked. 
It's surprising that he even liked me in the awful bath-ing suit Mrs. 
A-picked out for me. It covered practically my whole torso. 

"Anyway, there I was in my bathing suit and towel. Mr. A-was already in bed 
waiting for me, I ran to where he was and tore back the covers. As I'd 
expected, he was naked. 

"He pulled me to him and pressed his lips down hard against mine. I 
responded, not only with my mouth but with my hands, which grabbed his cock 
and started massaging it gently. It didn't take long for it to get hard, 
even though my hands were cold. 

"Finally I drew myself away, breathless, and turned so that he could reach 
the zipper on my bathing suit. As he unzipped it, I wiggled my arms out of 
the wide straps and let the whole thing fall down around my waist. I stood 
up, cupping my breasts in my hands to show them off, then peeled the suit 
down. 

"'You're cold,' he declared. 'Get under the covers. The electric blanket is 
on.' 

"He was right. I was shivering, even though my cunt was hot. I crawled under 
the covers. Much as I wanted to, I didn't get close to him because I know 
how it feels to have somebody cold touch you. But pretty soon the electric 
blanket had made my goose bumps disappear. 

"'Comfortable now, little one?' he asked me. 

"In answer I started purring and crawled closer to him. He put his arms 
around me, then let his hands go wherever they pleased. He was always so 
tender, so gentle, never in any hurry. 

"I was the one who finally sat up and threw back the covers, then bent over 
his cock. Slowly I began to pump it with my mouth, taking it way in and 
sucking gently. He moaned contentedly. An instant later he grabbed my ass. I 
knew what he wanted, so I let him swing me around so that I was over him and 
my cunt was on his mouth. 

"I kept on sucking, but what I was most aware of was that marvelous tongue 
of his lapping at my hot pussy. God, was I hot! It was right before my 
period and that's when I enjoy sex most of all. 

"We both kept up the same kind of sensual, slow rhythm for a long time. 
There was such a beautiful harmony about it, each of us doing something and 
each of us aware of the other's responses. Gradually, of course, that rhythm 
became more intense. Finally we were eating each other with a wild frenzy, 
sucking, chewing, nibbling. We could have both come in no time at all if 
we'd gone on this way. And if we'd have finished it off fast, well, then, a 
lot of other things might have been different....But one never knows what's 
going to happen. That's one thing I've learned. 

"So just as we were both about to burst with pleasure, he rolled me over on 
my back and got on top of me. 

"'You want it this way, don't you?' he asked. 

He always wanted to make sure I was getting what I wanted. 

"'Yes,' I whispered. 'I want you inside me.' I'd stopped using words like 
fuck' or 'cunt' or 'prick' with him and he never used them either. Our 
relationship was different from that, more formal, I guess. 

"I wrapped my legs around him and reached for his cock with my hand to guide 
it where I wanted it. It slipped in ever so easily now. Deeper and deeper it 
went and I loved the way it felt. I even gave a little scream of delight. 

"Then we were fucking, slowly at first, both of us moving together. He kept 
covering my face with little kisses. I clasped my arms around him tightly 
and soon became lost in the magic rhythm of our organs meeting and 
separating. 

"I felt so happy, so close to him, yet at the same time I was completely 
abandoned in the enjoyment of sex. Faster and faster it became. The sweat 
from both our bodies mingled. My cunt grew tighter, pulling his cock into 
me. I knew that I wasn't far from coming and I wanted to put it off if I 
could. Those last few minutes before you make it are the best part of the 
whole thing. 

"He was close, too. I could tell by the way he plunged his cock into me with 
a lot of force and the way he tugged roughly at my shoulders. Our eyes met 
and we looked at each other in sheer wonder at the fantastic thing that was 
happening to us. 

"Then I heard something. I wasn't sure what it was and I almost ignored it, 
but an instant later there were footsteps approaching us. He'd heard 
something too. We stopped, frozen in our embrace. 

"Looking down on us in the dim room was Mrs. A-. I couldn't make out the 
expression on her face. I've tried to reconstruct it in my mind. I'd have 
loved to have seen what she looked like at that very moment. But at the 
time, what I felt most of all was fright and, of course, surprise. 

"Well, the old bitch didn't take it very calmly. In fact, what she did was 
grab one of the bedside lamps and crash it down on Mr. 

A's back. But she didn't have much strength, I guess, because the lamp 
didn't break and neither did Mr. A-'s back. 

"'You dirty, filthy creature!' she began shouting. 

"It was a minute or two before I realized it was her husband she was talking 
to, not me. I guess she didn't know that females can enjoy sex or want it. 
Anyway, she called him a lot of names, although she didn't swear once. Then 
she made him crawl off me. 

"He was too stunned to do anything but what she said. As he withdrew from 
me, he covered himself with the sheet. I wondered if he had a practice of 
never appearing nude in front of his wife. 

"'You poor motherless creature,' she was saying to me. 'Did he hurt you? 
Shall I call a doctor?' 

"I shook my head. 'He didn't hurt me. Please, don't make a fuss. It's not 
his fault....' 

"'Not his fault! I'll never believe that. I know what he's like.' Then her 
voice assumed that insipid softness again. 'To think that this could happen 
to you. In my home. Under my very eyes. Oh, you poor, poor child.' She 
looked as though she was about to cry, but her anger took over again. 

"She slapped her husband across the face once, then marched out, muttering 
something about calling her attorney. 

"I tried to sympathize with Mr. A-tried to tell him that it hadn't been his 
fault, that I'd help him if I could. He didn't want to talk. It wasn't 
because his wife had actually injured him, I was sure of that. Maybe he was 
wondering about the money he'd lose in a divorce case, or the bad publicity 
he might get. Maybe he really did love that bitch of a woman. Or maybe he 
actually thought he'd been some cause of harm to me. I don't know, and I 
suppose I'll never know. That was the last time I ever saw him. The next 
day, one of the maids helped me pack up all my things and the chauffeur 
drove me to the social agency where I'd come from. 

"I wasn't terribly distressed. I've been through tougher things and I've 
learned that you don't dare dwell on bad things when they happen. Sometimes 
life is good and sometimes it isn't. You have to put up with it, that's 
all." 

It was sometime after her stay with the A's that Natalie finally told all 
this to a social worker. After leaving the A's, Natalie was placed in 
another foster home and again became involved sexually with the man of the 
house. This time it was less her doing, as she explained it. The man made 
all the overtures. She did not find him as attractive or as sexually 
competent as her previous lover had been, but felt forced to comply with his 
wishes. This is another pattern of behavior which sometimes is revealed in a 
close study of what really goes on in foster homes. 

Natalie was shuffled about from one home to another until she was eighteen. 
By then she had completed high school, although not with an outstanding 
record. Nevertheless she was able to support herself in a modest way as a 
file clerk. Nothing is known of her further sexual involvements. 

The one social worker to whom Natalie had confided her secrets felt that 
Natalie was a very bright, though somewhat disturbed girl, whose 
intelligence would be of little use until her problems received proper 
handling. Of impor-tance, this social worker thought, was the fact that 
Natalie perceived herself to be at the hand of fate, continually swayed by 
forces beyond her control. Perhaps this originated when she lost her 
parents, perhaps even earlier in her development. At any rate, a more normal 
kind of environment during her adolescent years might have helped her grow 
to maturity and gain self-confidence. 

Unfortunately, there are many Natalies, young people who have been deprived 
of their natural parents for one reason or another and never have a stable 
home life during the crucial years of growing up. Foster homes occasionally 
provide a suitable environment, but very often they do not. Better screening 
of potential foster parents would seem to be essential. Even so, it-is 
difficult to predict what will happen to a particular girl in a particular 
setting. Furthermore, people willing to take in foster children are in great 
demand. 

It is Natalie's entire case history, rather than her brief interlude with 
Mr. A-, that is tragic. And it is all the more so because it occurs so 
frequently and because no one solution to the problem of parentless children 
is viable. 

 CHAPTER FOUR 

Twelve-Year-Old Ginger and Her Mother's Lover A! 

"My mother is a whore. Maybe that's why I'm the way I am. She goes for 
everything in pants, with my old man, poor fool, never suspecting a thing. 
At least, I have good taste. I only take on the groovy ones. 

"How did I get started? Would you believe I lost my virginity the same month 
I had my first period? It was just my twelfth birthday. "Dad was at work. He 
worked nearly all the time to keep up with the house payments and keep Mom 
and me in clothes. And Mom was out with Jerry, a character with a lot of 
bread who takes her to fancy bars during the daytime. 

Well, along came Al. Mom had been seeing quite a bit of Al, too, but he 
didn't have the money to spend that Jerry had. He had other things going for 
him, though, as I found out. 

"I'd played hooky from school that day and was trying on my gorgeous new 
housecoat when there came a knock at the door. I couldn't imagine who it 
was, but all of a sudden I wanted to make an appearance at the door in this 
long, flowing flimsy thing with nothing under it. I just thought it would be 
a gas to greet some Jehovah's Witness or the Fuller Brush man that way, so I 
went to the door. 

"And of all people, it was Al, come to see my old lady, of course. 

"'Hi there, Ginger,' he managed to blurt out, although he didn't conceal his 
surprise at seeing me this way. 'Is that really you?' 

"'No, it's Pebbles Flintstone,' I said. 'Were you looking for anybody in 
particular? My father is out.' 

"'Your mother....' 

He stammered, as though he didn't know how much I knew. 

"'She's out, too. So you're stuck with me. Why don't you come in?' 

'"Might as well.' God, was he awkward! Of course, he was looking through the 
pale blue nylon of my housecoat where my nipples and belly button and what 
pubic hair I have showed through. 

"He came in and I motioned for him to sit down on the couch. I stood up for 
a little while longer, to make sure he got the full effect of the housecoat. 

"'Are you expecting your parents back soon?' he asked, so nice and proper. 

"'You know very well Dad's gone till midnight. As for Mom, she said she'd be 
back at five, which means she probably won't be here before then. She's 
often a little late getting back. You know that as well as I do.' 

"'You know quite a lot, don't you?' he said. 

"'I know enough. So let's not play any silly games, okay?' 

"Then I sat down on the couch beside him. Quite by accident, my housecoat 
came open, showing a lot of leg and a little thigh. I didn't bother to do 
anything about it. He was looking, naturally. 

"Now Al isn't bad looking. Not at all. If I were Mom I'd pick him over Jerry 
anytime. I wasn't even sure which one of them Mom preferred. She seemed to 
reserve one for some moods and the other for different moods. And now and 
then she brings home some total stranger.... 

"I didn't mean it literally that she's a whore. She doesn't get paid for it. 
She just goes out with a lot of men and goes to bed with all of them. She 
even went to bed with Al once when I was supposed to be asleep in the next 
room! And then all this pretense, as though I didn't know what was going on. 
Really! And me practically a woman myself. , "Woman enough to turn a guy on, 
at least. And that's just what I was doing. I knew Al was getting ideas, 
sitting there on the couch next to me. 

"Then I asked a stupid question. Sometimes I can't help but do babyish 
things. At least I know afterwards that I've done them. 

"'Who is prettier, me or my mother?' I asked Al. Now, wasn't that dumb of 
me? No grown-up girl, no woman who's sure of herself, would come on like 
that. 

"He hesitated. No matter which way he answered, there might be trouble 
ahead. 

"'You're both beautiful, but in different ways,' he said after a while. 

"I felt kind of silly for having asked that, but I admired him for getting 
out of it real cool. I even decided to continue the game, just for the heck 
of it. 

"'Who's sexier?' I asked, and with that I untied the ribbon on my housecoat 
and let it fall away from me, exposing quite a bit of my bare body, which is 
a little underdeveloped, but quite nice really, all tanned and smooth. 

"He didn't even bother to answer. He picked me up and put me in his lap, but 
not the way you do with a child. 

"'To think of what I've been missing!' he said. 'Are you a virgin?' 

"I sighed. Yes, I'm afraid I am. Isn't that a pity?' 

"'Do you make a practice of torturing men like this?' he asked. 

"'No, I've never done such a thing before in my life,' I said, and it was 
true. 'I don't know what has come over me today.' And here I faked a little 
bit of dramatic effect. Guys like to feel special, I know. 'I've had this 
terrible crush on you ever since you started seeing my mother. And I felt it 
should be me, not her. I'm single and she's not.' 

"'That all sounds very reasonable. But you kept it a secret from me all this 
time.' 

"This was my first chance to be alone with you,' I said with lots of 
expression. 

"'Ah,' he said. 

"About then he couldn't keep his hands still.. They were on my back and they 
began to wander around, down my spine, over my shoulders and closer to my 
breasts. I squirmed with pleasure. At last he was actually touching my 
breasts. And he hadn't even kissed me yet! 

"The touch of his hands on my breasts was a wild, crazy thing that left me 
all trembling and feeling kind of weak. As he did it, I watched my nipples 
become all wrinkled and strange looking. 

"I knew that something was going to happen, something more than just playing 
around. I heard his breath become heavier as he caressed me and his face 
showed that he wanted me. And I wasn't in the least nervous about it. I knew 
there'd be nothing difficult about it and probably it would be fun. 

"Why didn't he kiss me? Isn't that the way love scenes always begin? Or do 
real men leave out stuff like that and get right down to the nitty-gritty? 

"What he seemed most interested in doing was feeling me up. After playing 
with my breasts for a while, he got to work on my thighs in the same teasing 
sort of way. I kept my legs together until he started edging his fingers 
between them, forcing them apart. He still didn't touch my pussy, though, 
but kept on caressing the insides of my thighs. It was driving me out of my 
head. 

"I wondered what he thought about my pussy, anyway. I've got the littlest 
patch of hair you ever saw, and if a guy liked fine and dainty things, well, 
then he'd like it. I know my mother's cunt is big and coarse-looking with a 
huge mass of hair; she never goes to much trouble to hide it. 

"Finally his hands were creeping toward my pussy. I thought they'd never get 
there. I was dying to have him touch it. It was. hot already and when his 
fingers finally landed on it, I shivered all over. I'm sure he noticed, too, 
that it was all wet. I was ready, all right, ready for whatever he wanted to 
do. 

"He spread the lips of my cunt and ran his fingers over the soft, wet spots. 
I looked at him and smiled, letting him know' I liked it. Then he tried 
getting a finger into my hole. It was a little tight, but, of course, his 
finger slid right in. I've had a couple of my fingers inside now and then, 
so I knew it would work. 

"It really felt great, though, having somebody else's fingers up inside me. 
He slipped them in and out, as though to give me an idea of what I'd soon be 
getting. I could hardly wait. 

"Finally he drew my face toward his and put his mouth against mine. It 
wasn't like the way boys kiss. He forced my mouth open, then plunged his 
tongue deep into me. It was really weird and it startled me for an instant, 
but suddenly it started me twisting and squirming in his arms. All the while 
his fingers were jerking in and out of my pussy, too. My heart pounded 
furiously and when we broke apart at last I thought I'd drop into a faint. 
It was too much. 

"He stood up, still holding me in his arms, then deposited me on my back on 
the couch. I knew what he was about to do, of course, and that was get out 
of his clothes. I watched him unbutton his shirt and zip down his pants. He 
was in a terrific hurry to get on with it, and so was I. 

"Finally he was standing before me, completely naked. His body was slender 
but with lots of nice muscles, not football player ones, more graceful ones. 
I really dug the way he looked. What really caught my attention was his 
cock. I'd never seen a hard one before, honest, and I had no idea they got 
so big. 

"I guess he noticed how startled I was by it. 'Don't worry, sweetheart, 
we'll get it in,' he said very casually. 

"I giggled. I liked the way he was so blunt about it. 

"Soon he was crouched over me, rubbing his cock against the outside of my 
pussy, getting ready to put it in. All this, I thought, and he's only kissed 
me once! But I was ready now for the ultimate experience. I tried to make my 
hole bigger by opening my legs wide. He carefully positioned his cock at the 
edge of the opening, then pushed just a little, inching it in with great 
caution. I'd expected it to hurt, but it didn't. Not at all. In fact, it 
sent all sorts of wonderful sensations through me. 

"'Oh, God' I groaned. 'It's great, really great!' 

"He looked at me as though he wanted to make sure I really meant it. He let 
his cock remain still for a little while, either because he wanted me to 
have a chance to get used to it or because he was afraid of coming. But he 
took his hand and started playing with my clit, grabbing it between two 
fingers and rubbing it back and forth. That, combined with the feel of his 
huge prick inside me was fantastic. Then he slowly began to move his prick 
in and out and kept right on playing with my clit. It was more than I could 
stand. 

"Really and truly, for the next few instants I didn't know what was 
happening. Something seemed to send my whole body into wild convulsions and 
my pussy, especially, clitoris, vagina and the rest of it, were all 
twitching wildly. Was it death? Was it some kind of electric shock from 
somewhere? 

"It's funny, but I hadn't expected to come so soon and I hadn't expected 
coming to be like that. I hadn't really given much thought to it at all 
beforehand, and while it was happening I just wasn't capable of thinking 
rationally. To tell the truth, it was so violent it sort of scared me. 

"I lay there, in a strange kind of dream world, as the pulsations became 
more and more faint, while he kept thrusting his cock into me. His face was 
flushed and his breathing was heavy. 

"'What a fantastic lay you are,' he muttered. 

"That was the last thing he said for a long time. He kept at it, piercing my 
weakened cunt with more vigor and force. I really didn't have much interest 
in it now, except that I kept my eyes open and watched the expression on his 
face become strained with ecstasy. At last his eyes were closed, and I knew 
that I didn't matter to him anymore, that the only thing that mattered was 
his prick pumping my tight, wet little cunt. Then he was gasping 
desperately. 

"He moaned and his face got all screwed up like in pain. And at that point 
the thrust of his cock nearly tore me in two. I knew that he was coming and 
I watched every second of it, managing to suppress the little cry in my 
throat that arose from the violence of his thrusts. It really hurt, but I 
didn't mind. I was making him happy and that's what counted. 

"I think he really had a great orgasm, too, but mine was really the big 
surprise. Afterwards we talked about it quite a lot. He couldn't believe 
that a virgin could come like that, the first time out. I could hardly 
believe it myself. I told him I'd saved up a dozen years for that one and 
I'd be twenty-four by the time I could do it again. 

"He was very impressed with me, though. I know I hadn't performed like 
something out of The Sensuous Woman; I'd hardly done a damn thing. But what 
turned him on was the way I'd come. I guess it made him feel like a great 
lover. Anyway, he was back for more. 

"I didn't always come as fantastically as I had that first time, but I 
nearly always came, sooner or later. Sometimes he'd eat my pussy and that 
just about always did it. 

"We had difficulties with our affair, though. I was supposed to call him 
when my mother was out and several times we met that way. Once, however, he 
turned up quite by surprise when my mother was home. That really shook me 
up. 

I wondered if he'd made a date with her or was showing up just to make her 
think he was still interested in her. They went out together in his car and 
I don't know what happened, but I can guess. 

"I was really jealous. Mad, too. I vowed never to let Al touch me again. And 
somehow I wanted to get even with my mother, too, even though she didn't 
know what she was doing to me. 

"And I soon had an opportunity to get even with her. She met a new man, 
Tony, a musician with dark wavy hair and the most beautiful eyes I've ever 
seen. And she really dug him, I could tell. What's more, from the very 
beginning, I just knew Tony was interested in me. He was always telling me 
how good-looking I was, even in front of my mother, who was much too 
preoccupied with herself to pick up on what was happening. 

"One day Tony called and asked if Mom was there. It just happened she was 
out and I said so. 

"'Would you mind if I came over anyway'? he asked. 

"'If you want to, great!' I told him. 

"Minutes later, he was there, dressed to the teeth, and, would you 
believe-carrying a little yellow rosebud for me? 

"'A present for you. But don't tell your mother, okay?' 

"'Okay,' I said. 'But I'll have to put it in my room so she won't see it.' 

"I dug into the kitchen cupboards and found a vase, filled it with water, 
and started for my room, carrying the rose. I wasn't at all surprised when 
Tony followed me. 

"'When is your mother coming home?' he asked. 

"I wasn't sure. 'God, I don't know. She usually gets here in time to make my 
dinner, like a good mother.' I said those last words sarcastically. 

"This is pretty far from the rest of the house. D'you think we're safe 
here?' 

"I shrugged. I really didn't know how safe was safe enough, but I didn't 
want to miss my chance with Tony. 

"He was looking at me. Maybe he was trying to make up his mind. Those 
beautiful dark eyes seemed to go right through me. I'd already made up my 
mind, I knew I wanted him. 

"I don't know which of us moved first, but an instant later we were in each 
other's arms. For some reason, I don't know why, I started to giggle. I was 
afraid he'd think this was awfully childish of me, but I think it turned him 
on. My body was shaking against his. And he started to laugh, too. 

"'We've shared a secret for a long time, haven't we?' he said. 

"'You knew, didn't you?' I murmured. 'And I knew. It's strange, isn't it?' 

"'Please don't think I'm a child molester or anything like that. I just 
happen to go for you, in spite of everything, dig?' 

"'Dig,' I said. 'By the way, I'm not a virgin,' I added. 

"'I was pretty sure of that all along,' he said. 

"Then he nuzzled his lips against my forehead and proceeded to give me 
little kisses around the eyes and ears. I grasped my arms around him tightly 
and stood on tiptoes so he could reach my mouth. Now we were really kissing, 
our two tongues swirling about together, our lips moving frantically. I 
could feel the familiar twinges of pleasure in my pussy and I ground my body 
against him. Next to my belly was his cock and it was hard already. 

"I wished I'd been wearing something more sexy than blue jeans and a 
T-shirt, but we soon took care of that. We separated, panting desperately, 
and he grabbed my T-shirt and pulled it over my head. While he caressed my 
breasts gently, I unzipped my pants and let them fall to the floor. 

"'Your turn,' I said. 'I want to see what you look like.' 

"Quickly he got out of his body shirt and bell bottoms. The only thing that 
took a little while was his belt, but I helped him with that. I was dying to 
see him naked. 

"He had a perfectly exquisite body. Slender, hair on the chest, and a 
good-sized cock which I took in my hands the instant I first saw it. I 
rubbed it gently for a few minutes, pulling the loose skin back and forth in 
a way I know men like. Then, without any warning at all, I got down on my 
knees, making him bend down just a little, too, and began to suck like 
crazy. I couldn't get the whole thing into my mouth, so I kept on using my 
hands, too, tugging and pulling. I really gave him a working over. 

"'Whoever taught you this must have been an expert,' he said. 

"I didn't stop to answer. I just kept on sucking and twirling my tongue 
around and pulling with my hands. I think I do a damn good blow job. I 
wonder if my mother does as well. 

"Finally he begged me to stop. 'Let's save some for you,' he said, and I 
knew what he meant. 

"I flopped down on my bed, right on top of the pink chenille spread, then in 
a flash of practicality slid my jeans under my bottom so the bedspread 
wouldn't get stained. I lay there in a spread-eagle position and he spent a 
minute or so just standing there and admiring me before he climbed on top. 

"The first thing he did was kiss me passionately on the mouth again. I 
twisted and wiggled under him, hoping he'd put his cock in me. But he wasn't 
about to do that just yet. Instead he broke away from me and got down 
between my legs. He lifted my hips into the air so that my legs draped over 
his shoulders, then brought his mouth to my hot pussy. 

"With the very tip of his tongue he began to flick my clit until I thought 
I'd go crazy. 

"'It's too much!' I gasped breathlessly. 

"Then, again using just the end of his tongue, he drew little circles around 
my opening, teasing me, and finally prodding his tongue inside just a 
little. My hips began to rotate and I moaned loudly. For a long time he just 
lapped at my cunt like somebody eating an ice-cream cone, sometimes touching 
my clit and sometimes my hole. I wiggled and squirmed against his mouth, 
letting him know that I wanted more and more. 

"He then did something that was completely new to me. First he rubbed one of 
his fingers against my cunt, moistening it, then he slowly inserted it in my 
ass. I screamed out with utter delight. It was a strange thing, but I loved 
the way it felt. I had no idea my ass was so much like my pussy. 

"Still licking my cunt, he finger-fucked my ass. It was wild. I was getting 
it everywhere at once. Finally it was my turn to plea for him to stop before 
I was really over the hill. 

"So he crawled on top of me again and let me guide his prick into my hungry 
cunt. He lowered it into me slowly and his first motions were very gentle. 
Above me I could see that terribly handsome face and those eyes-oh, those 
eyes. 

"'You're fucking me,' I said, in a kind of amazement. 

"Yes, in a way I could hardly believe it, that this terribly handsome guy, 
my mother's lover, was fucking me and doing a tremendous job of it, too. 

"'You're damn right I'm fucking you,' he said, just before covering my mouth 
with his. 

"I was the one, I think, who started speeding it up. Under him my hips were 
swiveling expertly and I really knew how to use them by now. I wanted more. 
I wanted it to be wild and violent, not just gentle and sweet. 

"His thrusts became more forceful. 

"'Don't come too soon,' I warned him. 

"I knew he was close to coming and although I was very hot, I still had a 
little way to go. 

"An instant later, he wet one of his fingers in his mouth, then reached down 
and, like he'd done before, slipped it into my ass. It had felt great 
before, but now the sensation was incredible. My pussy was full of cock and 
now my ass was full, too. 

"I ground against him furiously and he pumped his cock into me harder and 
harder. My whole cunt was on fire now. With every stroke, he sent wild 
sensations through my clit. Then suddenly he reached his finger into my ass 
as far as it would go. 

"I guess that's what did it. For a brief instant, I knew that I was on the 
verge of coming and wanted to preserve that last glorious feeling just 
before it happens. Then both of us were grappling at each other madly and my 
cunt was exploding around his cock. My ass was pulsating, too. We clung to 
each other's shoulders fiercely while the rest of our bodies went totally 
out of control. He was coming, too, Of course. And for both of us it was 
great. We both moaned and I guess we both said things, but I'm not sure 
what. Finally we collapsed together and then we fell asleep. 

"I woke up with a jolt when I heard my mother trampling around the house. 
Tony was dead to the world. I shook him furiously. 

"'Get up. You've got to get out of here.' 

"It took an awfully long time to get him roused. I was afraid my mother 
would come into the room and find him. It would serve her right, but I was 
afraid of what the consequences might be for me. 

"At last Tony was awake enough to know where he was and what was going on. 
He started throwing on his clothes. 

"`How am I going to get out of here?' he whispered. 

"I pointed to the window. 'It's not far to the ground. Just watch out for 
the rosebush.' I kept my voice low, too. 

"'Ginger!' It was my mother calling me. 

"Scrambling for my clothes, I yelled, 'Just a minute.' 

"So, without even a kiss of good-bye, Tony departed by way of the window. I 
finished dressing and hurried out to where my mother was sitting in the 
kitchen, drinking coffee and smoking. 

"She didn't even ask what I'd been doing or anything. She never did. 
Obviously she was trying to sober up enough to get some dinner. Her 
expensive pant-suit was impeccable, but her wig was a little messed and her 
makeup smeared. 

"'Sometimes I think I should get out of these women's clubs,' she muttered. 

"Did she really think I believed crap like that? I don't know. I waltzed 
about the kitchen and started dinner myself, feeling very superior and very 
happy indeed." 

The case of Ginger presents another common characteristic of the Lolita 
syndrome. Ginger, quite obviously, considered herself a rival of her mother. 
Little is known about Ginger's father and her relationship with him. It 
would necessarily seem that she had insufficient contact with him. 

A classic Freudian interpretation of Ginger's behavior would stress her need 
for a father and her hatred of her mother. However, a more precise 
interpretation demands a close look at Ginger's attitude toward her mother 
and, perhaps even more importantly, her attitude toward herself and her 
total self-concept. 

Although taking an amoral attitude in her own sexual adventures, Ginger 
clearly believed that her mother's behavior was wrong. The differentiation 
she made, quite understandably, was that her mother was a married woman and 
she was not. She condemned her mother vigorously, calling her various names 
besides those quoted here. 

Although her mother did not fit Ginger's idea of what a mother should be, 
she envied her in a sense, too. Her promiscuous behavior seemed to Ginger 
quite exciting, and the individual lovers her mother had sometimes held an 
appeal for Ginger as well. Ginger's attraction to these men, however, was 
less strong than her desire to compete with her mother and supplant her in 
various relationships. Often, when a real woman's attention would have been 
focused on the man she was with, Ginger would be thinking of her mother or 
making comparisons between herself and her mother. It is significant, too, 
that the only men who interested Ginger were her mother's lovers; she didn't 
seek out contemporaries as boyfriends nor did she try to acquire older male 
acquaintances on her own. 

Ginger's home environment was not one which provided her with the means of 
developing normal self-confidence and self-assurance. As Dr. S. Coopersmith 
notes in his book on child development Antecedents of Self-Esteem, children 
who develop high self-esteem come from homes where mothers exhibit a 
considerable amount of nurturing yet maintain high standards for the 
children to adhere to. Ginger's mother provided neither. Preoccupied with 
her own social life, she neglected to provide very much mothering nor did 
she set any standards or goals for her daughter. She simply was not 
interested, and Ginger was well aware of this fact. To put it quite simply, 
Ginger, like many Lolitas, suffered from lack of love and attention in the 
home. In her sexual exploits she acted out her need for acceptance as well 
as her not entirely latent hostility toward her mother. 

That is not to say that Ginger's sexual desires were less than real or that 
she recounted her experiences in a manner less than truthful. Ginger's 
craving for sex should be separated from her abnormal behavior. It is not 
unusual for girls at puberty to desire the sexual experience experienced by 
more mature persons. What is abnormal in Ginger's case is her using sex for 
purposes essentially nonsexual. Thus, although she derived sexual 
satisfaction from her encounters, she failed to attain anything which would 
serve her in a truly fulfilling way. 

Another aspect of Ginger's neurotic impulses shows itself in this next 
episode. Paradoxical as it may seem, Ginger harbored a continuous desire to 
be caught while sexually involved with one of these men. 

"How my father was dumb enough to believe the stories Mom made up I'll never 
know. Like the camping trip with Jess. To make it look good, she decided to 
take me along, telling me that Jess was 'a good friend.' What she told Dad 
was that we were going with another mother and daughter. He didn't seem to 
care one way or the other. I don't know what kept Dad going, working all the 
time the way he did and never getting a vacation. Of course, maybe he had 
his jollies, too. 

"Jess I liked from the very beginning. He wasn't as wildly attractive as 
Tony or as Al, even; in fact, he was a little bit pudgy. But he was really 
nice. A sweet, well-meaning guy. He actually thought my mother was a widow! 
He was much too good for her. 

"He liked me, I knew, except that he treated me like a kid and didn't really 
understand me at first. He'd bring me candy and stuffed animals and things 
like that. I do like stuffed animals, I'll admit, but I don't like people to 
know that I do. 

"On the camping trip we got to know each other a lot better. One day my 
mother decided to stay on her cot and take a sunbath while we went for a 
hike. It never occurred to me that any-thing would happen, but I was hoping, 
just the same. 

"As we walked along, he took the trouble to tell me which kind of tree is 
which and where the eagles' nests were and all sorts of things. I'm not 
usually a nature freak, but I was having a good time living out of doors, 
and besides, he made everything so interesting. He was one of those people 
who forget about themselves and devote their attention to things around them 
and to other people, too. 

"He wanted to know more about me, how it felt not to have a father and stuff 
like that. I started keeping up the lie my mother had told him, but finally 
I felt just too cheap doing it. I broke down and told him the whole awful 
story, what my mother was like and how my father worked all the time and how 
I was left all alone. 

"He was shocked and disturbed by all this. The next thing I knew he took me 
in his arms as though to comfort me. But once our two bodies were close 
together something happened, some spark lit up. He became aware of me as a 
woman instead of a child and I became aware of him as a man who could be 
more than just a friend. 

"Our first kiss was soft and tender. Our lips met and parted, but there was 
nothing more to it than that. I noticed, though, that he was breathing 
heavily and so I knew he was excited. I held my arms around him tightly and 
wiggled up against him. I think he wanted to resist but couldn't help 
himself. 

"The next time he kissed me our tongues were entwined and our breath 
intermingled. I pressed my whole body against him and his hands roved over 
my back. There was a kind of desperation about the whole thing. 

"Finally he pulled away. 

"'No, I mustn't do this,' he declared. 'Let's go back.' 

"And, just like that, he started walking. On the way back I told him more 
about me, about my experiences with men, in particular. He agreed with me 
that I was very grown-up for my age. I think he was beginning to see me in a 
different light. 

"Back at camp my mother was fast asleep on her cot. I headed for the tent 
and Jess followed me. I just supposed he was going to get something out of 
his luggage. But when we were close together in the darkened tent, he 
suddenly threw his arms around me and pulled me tight against him. His mouth 
searched hungrily for mine, then he was kissing me wildly, thrusting his 
tongue between my teeth and pressing his lips against mine so hard I thought 
he'd draw blood. 

"So he hadn't been able to resist me, after all. I was pleased, very pleased 
indeed. He wasn't as much of a turn-on as the others had been, but it was 
awfully exciting to have him making advances while my mother was just a few 
feet away. 

"I wasn't sure at first how far it would go, but soon he was grabbing at my 
sweatshirt and taking my clothes off with breakneck speed, as though he 
wanted to go ahead with it before he changed his mind. I really wasn't used 
to this rough kind of treatment, but I dug it. I've always wondered what it 
would be like to be raped. And it was incredible, this sweet, nice guy 
behaving like a sex maniac. All because of me. 

"He didn't even bother to get my slacks the whole way off because my boots 
were in the way. So my feet were kind of locked together. I didn't know yet 
how we'd manage. 

"He wasted no time with gentle, tender caresses. He didn't even seem to want 
to eat my pussy, although he did give it a good, vigorous feel. I was hot, 
but in a different way than ever before. I wasn't being made love to, I was 
being taken. And at any minute my mother might find out! 

"He pushed me down on my back and shoved my legs up to my shoulders, bending 
my knees so that my pussy was open. Then he unzipped his fly, and without 
taking his pants off, crouched next to my bottom. He was on his knees, 
bending over me slightly. In the dim light of the tent, I could see a 
strange expression on his face, a look that made me think of cruelty. Why I 
wasn't afraid then, I don't know. He was a changed person. What do you call 
it, a split personality? 

"Without uttering a word he thrust his cock into me and began a rapid, 
forceful motion that shook me all over. Something about this position made 
my ass hot, too, and I could feel his balls jiggling against it. 

"There was something terribly animal-like about it, terribly fierce. And 
although I lay perfectly still, I felt like a wild animal myself. It seemed 
as though his cock was touching parts of my cunt that had never been touched 
before. Certainly nobody had ever pierced it so deeply. His cock was like a 
knife tearing into me. 

"Yes, it hurt just a little and at the same time it felt really great. Even 
the hurting excited me. In a way, this was the best time ever. 

"For a long time I was on the brink of coming, my cunt clasping his cock 
tightly, every nerve in my body on edge. I stifled the little cry that rose 
in my throat. 

"Then he began fucking me at an incredible speed, vibrating inside me with 
short, rapid strokes. And then I did cry out. 

"He put his hand over my mouth and kept on fucking me while my whole body 
went into a convulsion, my cunt gripping furiously at his cock, pulsating 
against it violently. I really think he hadn't expected such a thing to 
happen, but I wasn't thinking about him at all just then. I was totally lost 
in the enjoyment of the unbelievable things that were happening to my body 
and especially my cunt, the twitching, the writhing, the great release of 
energy. God, there's nothing in the world like coming. 

"With a plunge of his cock that seemed to rip clear through me, he was 
finished. It was violent all right, but it was so sudden, almost 
instantaneous. I don't think he'd got as much fun out of coming as I had. 

"He took out his cock, and the sticky stuff he'd deposited in me ran down 
around my buttocks. I was too exhausted, too far gone to get up or do 
anything. 

"Jess zipped up his pants and walked out of the tent without saying a word. 
Then I could hear him talking to my mother outside, just as though nothing 
had happened. I was tempted to lie there, my bare cunt exposed and dripping 
until my mother came into the tent. That would show her, all right. But 
finally I got up and cleaned myself with tissue and changed clothes. 

"We toasted hot dogs around the fire that night and Jess was as jovial as 
ever. And the rest of the time we were together, he never once mentioned 
what had happened, much less tried it again. Maybe he'd had amnesia as far 
as this was concerned. Maybe he really is a madman, a Dr. Jekyll and Mr. 
Hyde sort of character. As for me, though, I didn't forget the experience 
and it even made the rest of the trip more fun, to think that once more I'd 
fooled my silly, dumb mother and had one of her men." 

What this last episode reveals is Ginger's masochistic desire to be caught 
in one of her sexual exploits by none other than her rival, her mother. 
Although Ginger achieved real sexual satisfaction, her overwhelming desire 
was to have her mother find her out. If this had ever happened, it might 
have been a kind of triumph for Ginger, but other complications, of course, 
would have ensued as well. 

This episode shows other aspects of Ginger's masochism, too, in fact, a kind 
of desire for pain during the sexual experience. The fact that many women, 
for various reasons, want to be raped was first elucidated by Freud and has 
been confirmed by numerous later authorities. In Ginger's particular case, 
the desire for pain fits into the total picture of her neurotic, 
self-effacing personality. 

Ginger's affairs with her mother's lovers went on for some time. When she 
was fifteen, however, her father decided he wanted a divorce. As it turned 
out, he'd suspected his wife's infidelities all along, but didn't take any 
drastic steps until he himself had met a woman he fell in love with and 
wanted to marry. 

A custody case followed, with the result that Ginger was awarded to her 
father. Aware of the possibility that the last few years Ginger lived with 
her mother might have had some emotional effect on the girl, the father 
insisted that she receive counseling. She was sent to a private social 
agency, from which these accounts of her experience are drawn. 

Ginger's adjustment to living with her father, whom she scarcely knew, and a 
stepmother, was slow, as might be expected. However, this new environment 
was sufficiently supportive and no further instances of deviant behavior 
occurred. Instead of seducing more adult males, she settled down to normal 
dating and finally became sexually involved with a young college man, only a 
few years older than she was. Thus, in spite of her sexual precociousness, 
Ginger was not a confirmed Lolita. Her behavior was the result of the 
relationship she had with her mother and the hostility she bore toward her. 
Removed from this situation, she was able to assume the more commonly 
expected role of a teenager today. 

 CHAPTER FIVE 

Twelve-Year-Old Elizabeth and All Her Willing Older Men 

"Sin-sin-sin. That's all you ever hear about when you're the daughter of a 
preacher. Yes, and you hear what kinds of things are sinful, things like 
smoking and drinking and sex. Most of all sex. 

"I know it sounds weird, but sometimes seeing my father in the pulpit waving 
his arms and hearing him yelling at the top of his lungs about lust' and 
'evils of the flesh' actually made me want to try it and find out what it 
was all about. Of course, I already knew my father was off the beam about a 
lot of things. Not just stuff like evolution which you learn about in 
school, but maybe even the whole line about there being a God up in heaven 
who watches over you. I'm still not sure about God, but I know damn well 
that most of the stuff they feed you in church is one big heap of lies. It 
took me three or four trips to the public library to find that out. 

"It was on my way back from the library that I met the man who turned me on 
to sex. I never even found out what his name was, but I remember all about 
how it happened and how it felt. I guess the first time is something you 
never forget. I don't remember all of the others since then so well at all. 

"At first all I knew was that a man was following me. I didn't even know 
what he looked like, but the idea made me feel all tingly. I was pleased 
that he'd decided to follow me, that he considered me old enough to be worth 
following. And I was crazy with excitement. Something was going to happen 
and I wasn't sure what it was, but I wanted it to happen. 

"Sure, I'd played with myself plenty of times. I knew how to make it feel 
really good but I never managed to finish it off. I wanted a man to do that 
for me. Yes, a man and not a boy. I don't find boys very sexy. 

"Of course, I'd been warned about strangers and how they'll do awful things 
to you, maybe even kill you. But I didn't really believe that what this man 
would do would be awful. And I just pushed the idea out of my mind that 
there was a chance of getting killed. So, instead of heading home, I turned 
off in the direction of a deserted lot where there are lots of bushes and 
trees. And I slowed down so the man could catch up with me. 

"He was kind of strange, really, but he wasn't at all bad looking. As he 
said, 'Hello,' to me, he seemed a little shy and afraid, as though he 
expected me to run away and tell somebody. 

"'Hi,' I said and gave him a sexy smile, the kind I've seen grown-up girls 
use in TV movies that I wasn't supposed to watch. 'Do you like me?' I asked 
him. 

"'Yes,' he said, still kind of frightened. 

"'I'm really very grown-up,' I said. 

"Then he smiled down at me. 'That doesn't matter. I don't like women who are 
old and have wrinkles and try to boss men around. I like young girls best.' 

"'I'm glad,' I said and we walked along together. 

"I already had him figured out. He was one of those men who follow young 
girls whenever they have the chance and then do other things, too. But he 
wasn't dangerous, I was pretty sure of that. Well, here's my chance, I said 
to myself as we walked along together. 

"It was really thrilling, walking across town with a grown man beside me and 
knowing that the things I'd dreamed about were going to happen at last, in 
just minutes from now. I could feel my panties getting wet. That's happened 
plenty of times before, when I was reading love scenes in books and when I 
was just thinking about sex. 

"We didn't say very much, but finally the man asked me, 'Do you have a 
boyfriend?' 

"I told him, 'No. I don't like kids much. I like men better, men like you.' 

"That seemed to please him. He smiled again. 

"One thing bothered me a little, though. Maybe I was leading him to expect 
too much. Maybe he'd think I knew all about what to do and would be 
disappointed when he found out I was a virgin. I thought I'd better warn him 
and it took me a little while to figure out just how. 

"Finally, I spoke up. 'I have a confession to make,' I said. 

"We looked at each other. He said, 'So do I. Do you want to make yours 
first?' 

"'Okay. It's just that-that I'm a virgin. Only I don't want to be one. Do 
you understand? I know I'm ready. I'm old for my age.' 

"He laughed lightly. 'So that's what's been troubling you. Don't worry. My 
confession is that I like virgins best of all.' 

"That pleased me, but it puzzled me, too. I know that lovemaking is very 
complicated and you're supposed to get better at it with more ex-perience. 
That's why I wanted to get over being a virgin as soon as possible, so I 
could go on and learn all the interesting techniques and become an expert. A 
wicked woman, I thought to myself, and I almost laughed out loud. 

"We soon got to the deserted lot. I had a feeling he'd been there before. I 
hadn't had to show him where it was, he just kept going in that direction 
and so did I. Once there, we selected a place with trees all around and 
bushes in-between the trees. It was completely safe. 

"I sat down on a patch of grass. 'Would you like to see my body?' I asked 
him. 

"'I'm dying to see it. Of course, I already know what girls' bodies look 
like. Do you know what a man's body is like?' 

"I shook my head. I'd only seen statues with fig leaves and diagrams in 
books. I'd searched and searched for a photograph of the real thing, but 
never found one. 

"'Let me show you,' he said. 

"He left his shirt on and unzipped his pants Then he slid both his pants and 
his shorts downward. At last, I could see. His penis was big and long and it 
stuck straight out, which meant he was sexually excited. Around it were a 
lot of coarse hairs, and down below was the scrotum, all round and wrinkled. 

"To be perfectly honest, it was too strange, seeing it all for the first 
time, to feel excited myself. No, I didn't think it was ugly or any-thing 
like that. It was more like, well, I just couldn't believe it-that men are 
so different from women, that they have all this stuff they carry around on 
the outside. What a nuisance it must be, I thought, having to be careful 
that none of it gets hurt. 

"He beckoned me to come closer, which I did. 'Feel it,' he said, pointing to 
his penis. 

"I took the big thing in my hands. Close up I could see all the little 
purpley veins and bumps. The big, pink end of it fascinated me. I could see 
the little opening which I know is where a man urinates and where the sperm 
comes out. I touched it. 

"'Careful,' he warned me. 'Let me show you where the most sensitive part 
is.' 

"He took my fingers and placed them on a little ridge underneath. I rubbed 
it. 

"'That's it,' he said. 'That feels great.' 

"Holding his penis in my hand brought another thought to my mind. It was so 
strong, almost as though it had a bone in it. And it was so big. I could 
scarcely get my fingers around it. It was difficult to imagine how something 
like this would feel inside me or even how he could get it into me. 

"But I wasn't scared. Not at all. I'd read that the first time is sometimes 
difficult and can be quite painful for a girl. I had to get that first time 
over with. But I secretly hoped that I'd get some fun out of it, too. 

"'Now let's look at you,' he said. 

"He helped me pull my dress over my head, just as gently as my mother used 
to do when I was a little girl. 

"I had a bra on. I'd been wearing one for about a year, but I filled it out 
better now than I did in the beginning. He knew just how to unhook it and 
took it off. Then he took my breasts in his hands and he didn't seem to mind 
that they were sort of small. His expression was very serious. He really 
seemed to enjoy touching me, and I liked that, of course. 

"'Look at your nipples,' he said, grazing his fingers over them. 

"Naturally, they were all shrunken and hard. I smiled at him. The feel of 
his hands on my breasts was beginning to really get to me. It wasn't at all 
like touching my breasts myself. It made me feel warm and my heart began to 
pound fast. I even started trembling a little. I hoped he wouldn't think I 
was afraid, when actually I was dying for more. 

"Then he put his hands inside my panties. I was a little sorry that I didn't 
have sexy bikini panties instead of plain old cotton ones from Penney's. 

"Lower and lower his hands went, stretching the elastic to get way in. Yet 
there was something very cautious about it all. He didn't seem to know how 
anxious I was to get on with it. 

"'Let me take them off,' I volunteered. 

"He helped me slide the panties down and lifted me up to get them over my 
butt. At last, I was completely naked. 

"'What a beautiful girl you are,' he said. 'You're almost a woman, but not 
quite. That's what makes you so beautiful.' 

"He just sat there and looked at me for a little while. Then he reached out 
and spread my legs apart. He ran his hand over the fine little hairs that I 
haven't had for very long. 'So silky,' he said in a low voice. 'So 
beautiful.' 

"'It feels good,' I told him. And it did. I was really trembling now as I 
waited for more to happen. Why was he so slow about the whole thing? I 
wondered. 

"When he parted the lips and felt the smooth red part of me where it was all 
wet, I let out a little scream. I couldn't help it, because it was so new 
and strange and wonderful. 

"'Shhh,' he cautioned. 'We mustn't let anyone know we're here.' 

"He was right, of course. But I had a feeling he was happy that I'd 
screamed. After all, men expect the woman to be responsive. 

"Then he began to feel my clitoris, sort of tickling it the way I do myself 
now and then, but it was so different to have someone else do it. So much 
more exciting. He kept on doing it for the longest time before moving his 
finger to my tiny little opening. 

"'You really are a virgin,' he said. 

"'I told you I was,' I replied. 

"Slowly and gently he slipped one finger past the lips into me. I could feel 
a little twinge of pain. When he brought his finger out, he showed it to me. 
There was a little blood on it. 

"'This is going to be very easy. Just relax,' he said. 

"Then he put in two fingers, this time with more force, and it really hurt. 
But instead of withdrawing his fingers he kept them inside me, wiggling them 
and stretching the opening. At the same time he played with my clitoris. The 
pain was going away and the excitement was coming back. 

"'You're a lot luckier than most girls,' he said. 'That wasn't hard at all. 
Now you're not a virgin anymore.' 

"'But I'll still be a virgin until....' 

"'We'll take care of that, too. If you want to, that is.' 

"'I want to,' I said. 

"He lay me back on the grass and put my legs into position, with my knees 
practically up to my waist. 

"Then he was over me, his face above mine, his penis in his hand. I'll never 
forget that instant. 

"I opened my legs wide for him, hoping that that would make the hole big 
enough. At last I felt the touch of penis, there, and I smiled up at him. He 
kept watching my face the whole time, while he gradually inched his penis 
inside of me. I'll have to admit that it hurt a little, but it also felt 
good. I liked the way it filled me. And I liked the way it felt to have his 
body close to me. 

"He was very gentle. For a few instants he didn't move at all, then he began 
to push his penis in and pull it out very slowly. I was actually having 
intercourse with a man! 

"But, to tell the truth, it was a little disappointing. I didn't feel the 
warmth or the tingling I'd felt when he'd played with my breasts or my 
clitoris. Somehow I'd expected the real thing to be a little better than 
this. 

"He knew what to do, though. Reaching down, he slid his hand in between us 
and began rubbing my clitoris again. I hadn't known it, but that's just what 
I wanted. I could feel a strange warm feeling all over, and now the 
in-and-out motion of his penis felt terribly good. I began to wiggle a 
little bit underneath him, letting him know that I liked it. 

"I was hot all right, but I wasn't sure if I was going to have a climax this 
first time. I knew I had no right to expect one, but I had a tremendous 
desire for some kind of release.... 

"It started to happen when I wasn't even expecting it. The feeling is 
awfully hard to describe. All of a sudden my clitoris was twitching and I 
was grasping at his penis, squeezing it and sucking it into me. I couldn't 
believe it. It was really happening and it was the greatest thing I'd ever 
felt in my life, although I have had better orgasms since then. 

"He responded by plunging into me hard and fast, almost ripping me apart. He 
panted heavily and finally let out a low groan as he seemed to pierce me 
like a knife. 

"'Oh, you lovely little creature. Look what you've done to me,' he said a 
few instants later. 

"We were both all wet and sticky, and he went about cleaning us up with a 
couple of handkerchiefs he had. I felt good, really good. And I was ever so 
pleased with myself that I'd actually had an orgasm the first time. That's 
quite rare, they say. 

"We never saw each other again. I suppose he went on to look for more 
virgins. And I went on to look for more men. From that day on, sex was 
something I had to have. 

"It may seem hard to believe, but it was at a prayer meeting that I met 
Henry. Since my old man is the preacher at a local church, I'm expected to 
go to these things. And I don't make a fuss about it, because I don't dare 
let my folks know the truth about me-that I don't believe in what the church 
says and that, even at twelve, I'm not a virgin anymore. 

"My father was conducting the services and putting on a big show for all the 
suckers he'd managed to draw in. What I was paying attention to, though, was 
the good-looking guy next to me. I couldn't guess how old he was, except 
that he wasn't as old as my father, and I liked the way his muscles bulged 
inside his clothes. He looked like a man who worked with his hands, not pale 
and sickly the way so many professional men are. 

"We were all squeezed into the pew like sardines, which meant that my thigh 
and his were pressed together closely. That was enough to start giving me 
hot pants and I wondered what it was doing to him. Once while our heads were 
bowed in prayer, I opened my eyes and snuck a glance at his lap. Either he 
had a mighty big one inside that fly or else it was hard! 

"I took a peek at his face to see if his eyes were closed the way they were 
supposed to be. But no, they were open, and he was sneaking a look at me 
just as I was at him. He was interested in me! 

"A few minutes later my father had us all get down on our knees. Some of the 
people crawled out into the aisles where there was more room. What I did was 
crawl under the seat. The next thing I knew my friend had joined me there, 
part-way, at least; there wasn't room for quite all of him. 

"Everybody was praying out loud all around us. You couldn't make out what 
anyone was saying really except that the word 'sin' kept coming through the 
babble of voices. 

"Then my father told us all to join hands with the person closest to us. I 
extended my hand toward my handsome friend and he took it willingly, even 
smiling at me. 

"Then he spoke. 'Have you sinned?' he asked me. 

"'Yes,' I whispered back. 'And I loved it. I'm not sorry at all.' 

"I know that was an awfully daring thing to say, but I sensed that this guy 
and I could really get something going and I didn't want to miss the chance 
by being shy. But I hoped I hadn't shocked him too awfully much. 

"I realized I hadn't scared him away an instant later when he began to run 
his fingers over the palm of my hand. It was about all he dared do, here 
under the church pew, but there was something very sexy in it. 

"'That feels good,' I said. 

"'You're very grown-up for such a young girl,' he told me in a low voice. 

"'Yes, I know,' I said. 

"'Would you like to get out of here?' he suggested. 

"'Yes, but we'll have to be very careful,' I warned him. I didn't want to go 
so far as to tell him that the preacher was my own father, and apparently he 
didn't know. 

"'Okay,' he whispered. 'Let's crawl out on our hands and knees. You go to 
the side door and I'll go out the back. Everybody is crawling around anyway, 
so nobody will notice. We'll meet at the corner by the sign. Are you game?' 
" 'Game,' I said. 

"I raised my head long enough to make out my father kneeling at the altar 
with a group of people repenting their sins, then I made ray way on my hands 
and knees toward the side door. I took one more look to make sure my 
father's head was down before I made my exit. 

"Once outside, I ran to the corner. My friend had had to crawl by more 
people, so he wasn't there yet. I hid behind the black-and-white sign that 
announced the subject of next Sunday's sermon and waited. 

"I heard his footsteps in the grass. I waited until he was up close to the 
sign, then I jumped out and said, 'Boo!' 

"'I was beginning to think you'd stood me up,' he said. 

"'I wouldn't do a thing like that,' I told him. 

"He took me by the hand and led me to the parking lot. As we strolled along 
I could hear the low roar of the voices inside the church. 

"He led me to his car, an old beat-up Chevy. Opening the door, he motioned 
for me to get into the back seat. I did so and he followed me. It was a 
pretty big back seat and I was glad of that. 

"Once he was beside me he put his arms around me roughly and drew me close 
to him. His face brushed against mine and an instant later he was kissing me 
in a way I've never been kissed before. His mouth was open and he forced 
mine open, too. Then he stuck out his tongue and began sliding it against my 
tongue while his lips pressed hard against mine. There was something fierce 
and wild about it, but I liked it. 

"He kept on kissing me, but his hands were now roaming over my body. First 
he clutched at my breasts from outside my dress, then he unbuttoned a few 
buttons and dug inside my bra. I wished my breasts were larger than a mere 
A-cup, but he didn't seem to mind. He kept pinching them and grabbing at 
them in a desperate sort of way that drove me crazy with excitement. 

"'Let's get some of these clothes off,' he said. 'I want to play with your 
pussy.' 

"I knew the word, of course, having seen it on rest-room walls, but I'd 
never heard anybody say it out loud before. Not even the man who took my 
virginity just a few weeks before used words like that. My second lover, 
this man I was with now, was far different and it occurred to me that I was 
going to like him better. 

"I got out of my dress by myself and was pretty careful about it, so that 
nobody'd suspect when I got home. Then I went ahead and stripped myself down 
to nothing. All this time, he was taking off his own clothes. 

"'Feel my prick,' he said. 'It's hard. It wants you.' 

"I took his penis in my hands, automatically comparing it to the other one 
I'd felt. It wasn't quite as thick, but aside from that it felt pretty much 
the same. That sort of surprised me. I guess I'd expected men's sex organs 
to be as different as their faces. 

"Right away I touched my fingers to the sensitive ridge I'd learned about, 
rubbing it gently. I wanted to show him that I knew what to do. 

"'That's nice, little one, real nice,' he groaned. 

"Then his hands were groping for me, reaching for the wet hot place between 
my legs and I pushed myself toward him to help him find it. He parted the 
lips and ran his fingers all around. I was so wet that his fingering made a 
funny little sound. 

"'It's such a cute little pussy,' he said. 'I wish I could see it, too.' 
Then he stuck one finger into the opening, and let it go deep inside. 'You 
really aren't a virgin, are you?' 

"'No,' I said. 'I hope you don't prefer virgins.' 

"He chuckled. 'No. I just like sexy girls, all ages, all sizes. And you're 
pretty sexy. Do you know that?' 

"That made me feel good. I know I'm beginning to have the body of a woman, 
but I have very ordinary looks. I'd never make cheerleader or majorette or 
homecoming queen. Maybe what's sexy about me is that I like sex and it shows 
somehow. 

"By now he'd taken my clitoris between two of his fingers and was giving it 
a real workout. 

I'd never thought to do that when I'd played with myself. It really felt 
great, so great that I was afraid I might climax before he even got his 
penis inside me. 

"Then he was guiding my hand to what he'd called his 'prick' and making me 
rub it up and down, sliding the loose skin with my hand. 

"'Would you like to kiss it?' he asked. 

"That sort of startled me. I really hadn't expected that some man I'd met in 
church would know about such sophisticated techniques of lovemaking. But I 
was ready to experiment. I bent down and brought my lips to the sensitive 
ridge, kissing it softly. 

"'Now try taking it in your mouth,' he said. 

"I did so, but even though I opened my mouth as wide as I could, I couldn't 
begin to get all of it in. He took my head in his hands and began moving it 
in an up-and-down motion, so that the outside layer of skin moved along with 
my mouth. Each time I came up toward the top, I let my teeth graze the 
sensitive ridge. I figured he'd like that. He seemed to, for he let me go on 
like this for quite a little while. 

"Finally he said, 'Now it's my turn.' 

"A minute later I found out what he meant. Suddenly his face was between my 
legs and his tongue was slipping and sliding over all my sensitive parts. I 
opened my legs wide and moved to the edge of the seat so he could get at me 
better. 

"I worried about little things like whether I smelled and tasted nice at 
first, but then I just relaxed and enjoyed it. Sometimes he nibbled at me 
and sometimes the rough texture of his face rubbed against me, too. But I 
liked every bit of it. I felt a little bit let down when he finally stopped. 

"'Are you ready?' he said. 

"'I'm ready,' I said faintly. My breath was nearly gone. 

"It took some scrambling around to get into position, but finally I had one 
foot up by the rear window and the other over the top of the front seat with 
plenty of space for him between my legs. If I'd been any taller, it just 
wouldn't have been possible. Then he was over me. 

"'Help me put it in,' he said. 

"I wasn't quite sure I'd be much help, but I reached one hand to his penis 
and the other to my opening. I tried to make the hole as wide as possible. I 
was plenty wet and I knew that would help. As he lowered his penis, I aimed 
it at the spot where I wanted it. Then he plunged it in. 

"'I'm fucking you, little girl,' he whispered in my ear. 

"The first few strokes were slow and easy, gentle ones. But before long he 
speeded up, pounding away at me. 

"'Move with me, honey. Can you do that?' 

"I didn't answer. I just started wiggling, trying to keep up with his 
rhythm. Soon I found that I was grinding my clitoris against him in a way 
that was driving me wild. 

"He kept going at that rapid pace and so did I. For a little while I forgot 
about everything but what I was feeling at the spot where our bodies came 
together, separated, then met again. My whole body was alive, but most of 
all that one spot was warm and wet and open. It was terrific. This is 
fucking, I thought to myself, the real thing, the dirty thing, the wonderful 
thing. 

"Finally I said what I was dying to say, Fuck me!' 

"'I'm fucking you, baby. You're getting fucked by Henry J.M-and don't you 
forget it.' 

"I guess that's how I managed to remember his name. 

"I had no fears about making it this time. I knew it was going to happen. If 
anybody could do it for me, Henry J. M-could. And for the longest time I was 
on the verge of making it. Close, but not quite there. And that's the best 
part of the whole thing as far as I'm concerned; when you're floating out in 
space faraway from everything in the world, knowing full well that you're 
soon going to experience the most incredible feeling there is. 

"When I got there it was unbelievable. My whole body started to twitch and 
jerk, all the while pulling him into me deeper and deeper. It was sort of 
like having a fit, but it was beautiful. And it took me a long time to quiet 
down. 

"He kept right on giving it to me, but now with a fantastically fast motion. 
I just lay there and let the rest happen. His breath became louder until 
finally he was groaning. His hands dug into my shoulders. I knew then that 
he was making it, too, and that he was enjoying it tremendously. At last he 
collapsed on top of me. He was pretty heavy, but I didn't bother to 
complain. 

"My mind found its way back to reality, to the fact that we were in the 
church parking lot and that soon the prayer meeting would be over and people 
would be coming out in droves. I could even hear the people singing some 
hymn and I knew that meant that the service was nearly over. 

"'Hey, we'd better get up,' I said. 

"'Any reason we can't hide here till they all go away and have some more 
fun?' Henry suggested. 

"'I'm sorry, but I'm afraid I have to go home.' 

"'Oh, yes. I'd forgotten that you're pretty young. To me you're a real 
woman. Hear that?' 

"I couldn't help turning that over in my mind as I cleaned myself up with 
Kleenex and got back into my clothes. I am a woman, really. Why doesn't 
anybody realize that except the men who want to make love to me? 

"'You come to church here often?' he asked. 

"'All the time,' I said. 'But I've never seen you here before.' 

"'I'll tell you a secret. You'd be surprised at how many women I meet in 
church. But I hardly ever go to the same church twice. Maybe this time I'll 
reconsider. You're a damn good fuck, little one.' 

"'Well, if you come back, I'll probably be here.' 

"'Okay, sweetheart. See you in church.' " 

Elizabeth's parents remained ignorant of their daughter's sexual exploits. 
However, they became concerned about her for other reasons. After having 
been an exemplary student in elementary school and during her first year of 
junior high school, her grades began to drop and she showed very little 
interest in academic subjects. Because of this, her parents sent to a youth 
guidance clinic where she met regularly with a social worker and began to 
speak freely about her sex life, telling the episodes which are recorded 
here. 

Quite clearly, her sexual precociousness and her failures in school are 
related. In a general sort of way, Elizabeth falls into the category of 
Lolitas cited by the unnamed psychiatrist in Russell Trainer's book The 
Lolita Complex, the "rebels." Says the psychiatrist, "They boil with 
hostility. Most of it is directed at their parents, but they display it to 
anyone in authority." 

Elizabeth's rebellion against the fundamentalist religion of her parents is 
quite understandable, considering that she was well-read and had encountered 
many facts and ideas which conflicted with what she had been taught. Her 
rigid religious upbringing served in another way to create a situation 
somewhat damaging. It severed her from her peers. She was not allowed to 
dress like other girls her age or attend many of the school functions. Thus, 
she was very much alone. 

Being alone, and never having discussed sex with other girls her own age or 
with an understanding adult of the same sex, Elizabeth saw her burgeoning 
sexuality as something unique, something that made her different from other 
girls her age. 

Furthermore, she wanted to assert herself as an independent being. After 
all, she had discovered for herself the half-truths lurking behind her 
father's devout instruction, and instead of being troubled by conflicts, set 
about to formulate a moral code of her own. She developed the habit of 
thinking for herself, which is certainly not to be condemned. However, she 
was unable to see that the conclusions she had arrived at might be 
potentially destructive. 

In actuality, her conclusions were not very well thought out. As we have 
already seen, she went to extremes. Everything her parents had taught her as 
being right became wrong in her eyes; everything they stood against, she was 
for. Having rejected her parents as a source of authority, it wasn't hard 
for her to reject her teachers and the subject matter they sought to impart 
to her in the same way. 

The only grown-ups she did not reject were the men who responded to her 
sexually. Although she talks as though sexual satisfaction were her only 
motive, it is quite Apparent that through sexual contact with older men, she 
was able to gain reassurance of her own maturity and femininity. Such 
assurance, however, might have also come from a mature adult of either sex 
in a far different kind of relationship. 

The social worker undertook to develop a close relationship with Elizabeth, 
and to point out some of the possible long-range effects of the course she 
was pursuing. For example, Elizabeth, though she had developed a pattern of 
promiscuity, never considered the possibility of becoming pregnant. Nor did 
she consider the effect that her low grades might have on further 
educational pursuits. 

Elizabeth needed guidance and friendly help, rather than in-depth 
psychiatric treatment as some clinicians might have recommended. Her sexual 
precocity in itself is not atypical in our society, although it is a subject 
that is rarely discussed with empathy toward the girls who are sexually 
mature beyond their years. Elizabeth's entire pattern of behavior, however, 
was one that could lead to disaster of one sort or an other. 

"To tell the truth, I wouldn't call Rev. S-good-looking. He might have been 
at one time, but he was around my father's age, that's fifty-five, was a 
little too heavy around the middle and was beginning to lose his hair, too. 

"He came to stay with us while waiting for an assignment to a new church. He 
was alone, having just lost his young wife to another man. We took him in, 
knowing that his stay would be only for a little while, and we didn't charge 
him anything. Even though we're pretty hard up, my father felt it was his 
duty to help out another pastor. 

"I liked him. In spite of being a preacher, he was really a nice guy. Right 
away he offered to help me with my algebra-something neither of my parents 
would be capable of-and he seemed to sympathize with me about school and how 
the public schools are a big mess. 

"One night when I had a lot of homework to do, he decided to stay and help 
me instead of going to the prayer meeting with my father. My mother went 
along, though, which left the two of us in the house together. And I'm sure 
they never gave a second thought to leaving me alone with Rev. S-. 

"We whizzed right through the first three-fourths of the assignment. He made 
it all seem so easy. 

"'You're really a very smart girl,' he told me. 

"That's not something I often hear these days. I hear a lot more complaining 
about my not being able to grasp the harder subjects. 

"We were sitting on the living-room couch together and all of a sudden-I 
don't know what made me do it-I moved closer to him, close enough that our 
thighs were touching. I half expected him to move away, but he didn't. Of 
course, it could have been that he just didn't want to insult me, but I had 
a hunch there was more to it than that. After all, this poor guy had been 
without a woman for several months now and here I was, a woman in everything 
but age. 

"I nestled close to him, letting my breasts touch his arms. He seemed to 
like it, yet I could sense that he was a little uneasy. 

"'You're tempting me,' he said at last. 

"'I know,' I said slyly. 

"'I'm a guest here. I wouldn't dare take advantage of the daughter of the 
house. Besides, I'm a man of the Lord. You know that.' 

"'I know all that,' I said. 'But I also know I like you and we're both 
lonely. I'm very lonely, aren't you?' 

"He looked both sad and puzzled. 'Yes, I'm lonely, too,' he said. 

"I took my hand and rubbed it gently along the crease of his pants above the 
knee, reaching higher and higher. I knew I was making him nervous and 
turning him on at the same time, too. 

"I tried to think of something to say to put him at ease, to let him know 
that it would be all right. 

"'Let's make love,' I said in a low, sexy voice. 'You wouldn't be hurting 
me. I'm not even a virgin. We both want it, don't we?' 

"That did it. He didn't answer, but instead grabbed me in his arms and began 
covering my face with little kisses. 

"All the while he kept murmuring, 'I can't help it. I can't help myself....' 

"I responded passionately, reaching for his mouth and kissing him the way 
I'd learned to do so recently, my lips hard against his, my tongue sliding 
between his teeth. It was driving him out of his mind. Yes, he was in my 
power now. It amused me a little to think that I was bringing a preacher to 
sin. 

"I kept on kissing him, not giving him an instant to back away and change 
his mind. Then I went to work with my hands, first caressing his chest and 
shoulders, then progressing downward toward his bulging fly. What I felt 
when I got there was hard all right. Preachers are just like people, I 
thought. They only kid themselves about being different. 

"All the while pressing my lips against his, I began to rub his penis 
through his pants, gently at first, then faster. Finally I reached for the 
top of his zipper and tugged at it. His pants were so tight by now that I 
couldn't get the zipper open. I tried and tried until he finally came to the 
rescue and slid it down. 

"As he did this, our mouths parted and we sat back and looked at each other 
for a moment. No, there was no turning back, I was sure of that. He had a 
look on his face that let me know he wanted to keep right on going. 

"'You're really not a little girl at all,' he said. 

"He left the next step up to me. I put my hand inside his shorts and began 
feeling his penis. It wasn't enormous, but it sure was hard. And I soon 
noticed something else different about it-it wasn't circumcised. I pulled it 
out to take a good look. 

"That's your prick,' I said as I did so. I knew that my using a word like 
that would shock him, but I kind of thought he wanted to be shocked. Then I 
asked him, 'Would you like to see my pussy?' 

"He couldn't bring himself to give me an answer, so I just went ahead and 
got my clothes off as fast as I could. Then I stood in front of him 
completely nude and opened my legs wide so he could see what was there. He 
stared at me, amazed. I had a hunch he'd always made it with his wife in the 
dark and had never seen the real thing before in his life. 

"He grabbed me and pulled me down on the couch beside him, first kissing me 
on the lips the way we'd done before. I squirmed against him wildly. 

"Then I broke loose and did a very daring thing, something I'm sure he'd 
never experienced until now. I put his penis in my mouth and began going up 
and down. He didn't say a word, but he finally pushed me away and lay me 
back on the couch. He was ready for some real action. Not too ready, I 
hoped, because I knew I wouldn't be able to climax right away. 

"'Would you like to eat me?' I asked him. 

"'I-I want, I want to make love to you,' he stammered. 

"I didn't persist. I wouldn't have wanted to make him do something he didn't 
enjoy. 

"'You mean you want to fuck me,' I said. 

"He didn't respond, but instead got into position above me. And the funny 
guy still had his shirt on. He'd pulled his pants and shorts down to around 
his knees. Without asking for my help, he guided his penis toward me and 
slipped it in. I love that feeling you get when it's first inside ... so 
warm and full. Then he began little jerky movements. I must say the lovers 
I'd had before had far better techniques. But it was good to have a man 
actually making love to me again. And it was all the more weird because it 
was Rev. S-. 

"I set my hips in motion beneath him, not only to make it feel better for 
me, but to show him that I really knew what to do. I started a slower sort 
of rhythm and pretty soon he caught on to it. It was getting good now, his 
penis sliding deep into me and out again without any hurry or rush about it. 
And it really turned me on to think that I was showing this old man how to 
do it. I'll bet he'd never had it so good before. 

"As I got hotter, I speeded up the motion and he really got going, too. Not 
the little jerky motion he'd started out with, but a smooth steady rhythm 
that made me want to melt. It was good, very good. Pretty soon I forgot 
about who he was or where we were and all of that. All I knew was that my 
body was doing it's own natural thing and my mind had lost all control. 

"I lay there, lunging upward and squirming like an automated toy. But I knew 
that this stage wasn't going to last terribly long. I was close to the 
finish. 

"Oddly enough, it happened to both of us at exactly the same time, the way 
the books say is ideal, but very difficult to do. Suddenly there was a 
twitch and I couldn't tell which of us it came from. Then together we went 
utterly wild, thrashing around so hard I was afraid we'd fall off the couch. 
And for me it lasted longer. My hole kept grabbing for his penis long after 
he lay spent and exhausted on top of me. 

"That was great,' I said finally. 

"He got up slowly, then frantically took his shorts and cleaned me up before 
the telltale wetness got to the couch. I was grateful that he'd thought to 
be so cautious. I never worry about the details. 

"Then he sat down across the room from me with his clothes in his hands. 

"'Oh, dear, what have we done?' he moaned. 

"For a minute I was afraid he was going to start praying. I felt sorry for 
him then. 'Don't feel bad,' I said. 'It was a nice thing to do and we both 
needed it. You haven't hurt me. And I'll never tell, I promise.' 

"That didn't seem to help. I knew better than to try to convert him to my 
way of thinking. I knew also that somehow he'd be changed by what had 
happened, whether he ever came to accept it or not. He wouldn't just forget 
it. 

"We got everything picked up and got dressed in plenty of time for the 
arrival of my parents. I stayed up to greet them, but Rev. S-went off alone 
to the spare room. I told my folks that he was very tired. 

"The next day when I got home from school, I learned that Rev. S-had left, 
saying that he had to take care of some business in the city. My father 
seemed a little surprised at his taking off like that, but didn't take the 
trouble to question it. Only I knew why he'd gone-to remove himself from 
temptation and be alone with his confused conscience. 

"I hoped that I'd really turned him on, that he'd leave the church and start 
having fun like other people. At least I'd shown him how much fun sex can 
be." 

As the interlude Elizabeth had with Rev. S-shows, she was beginning to sense 
some responsibility for her actions. At least, she was able to perceive the 
plight she had created for her partner. Previous to this, she was oblivious 
to the fact that the men she'd had sexual activity with could have been 
prosecuted on criminal charges. 

Still, she showed little concern for her own welfare. The social worker 
warned her that she'd better find some reliable means of contraception or 
else stop having sexual encounters altogether. She'd been lucky so far, but 
she shouldn't count on her luck holding out. Elizabeth complied with this in 
her own fashion. She demanded that the men she met buy prophylactics. There 
was no way she could secure a diaphragm or the birth control pills without 
her parents' permission. 

In time, Elizabeth was motivated to work harder in school and earn the kind 
of grades which would enable her to go to college. She began to see college 
as a means of breaking away from her parents and the church and hoped that 
she could go to a school faraway from home. Thus, she became less concerned 
with the "here and now" and more oriented toward mapping out her future. 
It's not difficult to understand how such a self-centered girl as this could 
be brought around to such thinking. 

Her sexual behavior, however, presented a larger problem, and one which the 
social worker finally decided was insoluble She continued to pursue older 
men and carry on a series of one-time-only affairs with them. 

The only break in this pattern occurred when she met a man with whom she 
became emotionally involved. Although the man happened to be married, the 
social worker greeted this as a possible improvement in Elizabeth's case. 
For once, she was able to appreciate sex within the context of an 
emotionally complex relationship. 

This affair ended traumatically, with the man going back to his wife, and 
Elizabeth resumed her old behavior. Still, her sexual encounters went 
unnoticed by her parents and everyone else. The social worker had the 
authority to disclose these facts to her parents, but preferred not to do 
so. The one hope seemed to be that eventually Elizabeth would become 
attracted to someone closer to her own age. The social worker, though, was 
well aware that this might not happen for some time and that it might not 
happen at all. Elizabeth was a confirmed Lolita and a promiscuous one at 
that. 

CONCLUSION 

These particular case histories were specially chosen because each 
represents a different set of circumstances which led the girls to becoming 
Lolitas. 

Judy's affair with an older man, a teacher, developed out of a relationship 
that began as an intellectual one. Although Judy was both intellectually and 
sexually precocious, these traits are not common to all Lolitas. 

Tami's case, like that of the Nabokov novel, is an instance of a girl 
becoming involved with her stepfather. The chances of such a thing taking 
place are probably a lot greater than most people realize, and many such 
cases undoubtedly go unrecorded. 

Natalie presents an example of the parentless girl who is placed in a foster 
home which is, according to some authorities, a classic situation in which 
Lolitaism may develop. Although the A's, with whom she was placed, differ 
from most foster parents in their being extremely well-to-do, the situation 
that ensued was typical. 

Ginger's story is one which occurs somewhat more rarely. Although having a 
promiscuous mother frequently leads to abnormal behavior of one kind or 
another in an adolescent girl, Ginger's reaction can only be considered 
extreme. 

Elizabeth, who rebelled against everything her religious family attempted to 
teach her, is perhaps more typical. It is not at all unusual that an 
extremely rigid upbringing leads to extreme sexual behavior such as 
promiscuity, homosexuality, or Lolitaism. 

Of course, these are just some of the situations out of which Lolitaism can 
develop. Probably far more typical is the case of the well-adjusted, 
middle-class girl who carries on affairs with older men, but is never found 
out or referred to a social or psychological agency for counseling. Such 
cases go unrecorded, but are probably a lot more frequent than one would 
generally assume. 

The Lolitas dealt with here are all girls with problems, otherwise their 
stories would not have been available. Their individual problems have been 
given some interpretation in the material accompanying the recorded 
sessions. What is perhaps most important is to consider what problems they 
all share. 

Invariably, the home lives of these girls show themselves to be less than 
satisfactory. All but Elizabeth lacked a natural father, and Elizabeth's 
father was quite clearly incapable of understanding her problems. Also, none 
of the girls had a mother with whom they could establish any real rapport. 
Judy considered her mother intellectually inferior. Tami's mother overplayed 
her role, was overprotective and refused to see Tami as anything but a 
child. Little is known of Natalie's natural mother, but her first foster 
mother was too concerned with her extensive charitable activities to give 
Natalie the attention she needed. Ginger's mother, by her unfaithful and 
promiscuous behavior, would seem to have incited Ginger's subsequent 
seduction of her lovers. And Elizabeth's mother, like her father, was too 
simplistically religious to have any real comprehension of her daughter's 
intellectual or sexual life. 

Interestingly enough, however, none of these girls can truly be absolved of 
the accusation of having provoked their affairs. Even though Tami's 
stepfather turned out to be a man with an uncontrollable preference for 
young girls, there was a kind of seething sensuality underlying Tami's 
pretended innocence. The other girls were more honest: they had wanted to 
lose their virginity and they admitted to taking the initiative in creating 
a situation where this would happen. This particular aspect of Lolitaism is 
far too often misunderstood and usually it is the man who, if apprehended, 
receives the blame and severe punishment. 

The man who is seduced by a Lolita is the victim of circumstances that are 
sometimes unavoidable. But also, the girl is a victim of circumstances 
created by our society and by the common inadequacy of parent-child 
relationships. Sometimes both the girl and the man emerge from the 
relationship unscathed and able to live normal lives. Often enough, both 
need help, not just help with sexual problems but help in learning to 
conceive of themselves as worthwhile human beings. In any event, they 
deserve the sympathy of other members of our society. 


THE END
